 Jordan Van Hayes A college student, workaholic, insomniac/narcoleptic, and The Grandma's all-purpose slave.
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Glenn Oltero Uri's 'twin brother' and
Jordan's cousin, he has morphed into a mer-man-snake who's afraid of water. Poet, songwriter, friend to kings and peasants, enjoys hotwiring cars.
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Uri Van Hayes Jordan's sister,
currently a blob. World's top architect, now, bafflingly, moving from minimum-wage job minimum-wage job.
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Florence Magus High school drama
teacher who can't keep the drama out of her life.
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Vivian Bain One of a family of hundreds. Hereditary priestess of Hera for about thirteen generations - has no Greek ancestry.
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Sam Sciuhen A shy, young rocket scientist who dreams of heroism in the stars.
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Andrei Leroux Jordan's boyfriend
and roommate. Enjoys mixing food, chemicals, and people.
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Cecilia Van Hayes Uri and
Jordan's mother. She has a secret from most of the world.
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The Grandma The nameless villain of
this piece, who can OBVIOUSLY run the world better than anyone else doing the job right now. Cecilia's mother.
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Odeda A Salishan Sasquatch (Canadian Bigfoot) who was chased south by hunters. Currently living with Jordan and Andrei. Good at cards.
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Benvolo "the Mazing," an unemployed actor
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Theobald Gamen, called Theo, a day-trader and gambler.
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Zoe a materials engineer/potter.
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Chloe a student of theoretical mathematics.
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Ulysses Isa a dancer.
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Kamali An artist.
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Harold Van Hayes Jordan and Uri's father.
| Sybil Sawyer Harold's girlfriend.
|

Maia
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Xue Pronounced SHWAY.
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Dooley Dugelhoff An artist, Glenn's
friend.
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Amelia Liubov A kindergarten teacher.
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Jason A bodyguard
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Princess Elizabeth Valentino A heptathlete
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King Rudolph Valentino III King of the Cinemarchy of California
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Prince Uptonamon, who recently woke up to find things aren't quite as he expected.
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Ahmed Xastrux An architect who worked on the Antarctic bridge.
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Guy-in-a-Tie, The Grandma's minion
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Blanca, who died during WWII.
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Quigley, an insane were-kangaroo.
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Marigold Bain, matriarch of the Bain faimly, Vivian's grandmother.
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