Storylines:

Prejudice and Preamble
Senseless Soap
A Pretty Penny
Thrice to Thine
Kangaroo Capture I
At An Artificial Antarctica
Kangaroo Capture II
And Thrice to Mine

Hit Ctrl-F to search for any word or phrase in the entire series.

Unless otherwise stated, all strips with three or fewer panels are one line, and strips of four panels are two lines, broken between the second and third panels. After strip

PREJUDICE AND PREAMBLE

STRIP 0

PANELS 1-3

In a blue sky, a dark cloud forms a tendril which approaches a house from above.

PANEL 4

GLENN, who has blue skin, brown hair, and green eyes, is singing in the shower.

GLENN: With a blue grump grump and a happy-oh-day,
Singing in the shower washes cares away.
If you have no cares, your mind wanders, and then,
You're a happy sheep, or a big, fat . . .

PANEL 5

GLENN falls in the shower, dropping his brush and his torso compressing to a point.

GLENN: H . . . wh . . . wh . . . ?

PANEL 6

GLENN: (looking down at his legs) Oh, my . . . Well, bless my thousand pages. Is this the result of too much bathing?

STRIP 1 PANEL 1

JORDAN and URI talking. JORDAN is a fairly normal young woman, with yellow-green hair (looks blonde), orange skin (looks flesh) and blue eyes. URI is a red and yellow blob with three tentacles, three tubes, and three cyan eyes. She is a little larger than a head.

URI: Bonjour! My name is Eurynome Elektra Garoldovna. Zhoomble. I'm up above the roof. Tell me all about it.

PANEL 2

Exact same panel.

JORDAN: Uri . . .

URI: I move a lot. I travel a lot more. I like my pets. I'm planning a garden, and I didn't have milk for breakfast.

PANEL 3

Exact same panel.

JORDAN: Uri, your name is "Uri," not "Your Enemy," you're my sister, and I think you've let your imagination run a little too far away with you if you've turned into some sort of amoebic alien. Stop making things up!

STRIP 2 PANEL 1

JORDAN is on the phone at a desk.

JORDAN: Hey, Glenn. Have you seen what Uri did to herself?

PANEL 2

GLENN, who has transformed into a merman whose cyan and green tail twists and contorts across the panel, is also on the phone, while holding one arm out in the opposite direction of his tail. He is wearing nothing.

GLENN: That's nothing. I can't even keep my balance.

STRIP 3 PANEL 1

FLORENCE, a young woman with grey hair, green skin, and yellow eyes, is reading.

BOOK: Ground and center. Visualize yourself surrounded by a net of glowing white light. See it as a semiporous energy field. Any force that hits this barrier is transmuted into pure creative energy. Whatever anger or hostility is sent to you, it only feeds your own power. Take in that power; absorb it; glow with it. Maintain the filter around you as you go through the day. ~Starhawk, "The Spiral Dance"

PANEL 2

FLORENCE presses her hands together, as if in prayer.

PANEL 3

FLORENCE brings her hands apart, and an orb of light forms between them.

FLORENCE: Whoa, cool!

STRIP 4 PANEL 1

VIVIAN, who has a blue tattoo of a double-headed axe, or labrys, over her third eye, orange hair, yellow skin, and green eyes, and is wearing a hooded robe, is reading.

BOOK: A hero, as the word indicates, was a sacred king who had been sacrificed to Hera, whose body was safely under the earth, and whose soul had gone to enjoy her paradise at the back of the north Wind. ~Robert Graves, "Greek Myths."

PANEL 2

FLORENCE comes flying in (not literally yet), in a high excitement.

FLORENCE: Vivian! Vivian!

PANEL 3

VIVIAN looks up from her book in annoyance.

VIVIAN: Don't you ever knock?

PANEL 4

FLORENCE is too excited to pay attention to VIVIAN.

FLORENCE: I did it! I made the breakthrough! I was just sitting there, reading, and I had this epiphany, and everything in my mind clicked, and my body was in total agreement, and there it was!

PANEL 5

VIVIAN beams with anticipation

PANEL 6

VIVIAN holds out her hands in supplication to FLORENCE, who is largely ignoring her.

VIVIAN: Are you now ready to dedicate yourself to Hera?

FLORENCE: I don't care about being a hero. I can throw fire!

VIVIAN: Is this related to that loud 'boom?'

STRIP 5 PANEL 1

JORDAN coming home and closing the door.

JORDAN: Andrei, I'm home.

ANDREI: (out of sight) Hey, sweetie.

PANEL 2

JORDAN hanging up her jacket.

JORDAN: Andrei, do Uri and Glenn ever seem strange to you?

PANEL 3

ANDREI, a blue and green sphere with four tentacles, four eyes, four tubes, and freckles, is centered in the panel.

ANDREI: Of course. But it's a good strange.

PANEL 4

JORDAN stares at ANDREI with her mouth hanging open.

PANEL 5

JORDAN pointing dramatically away from her.

JORDAN: Not, it is not a good strange, and if you think I'm sleeping with you looking like that, then you're on the couch until you think better.

ANDREI: Aww, but Jordan . . .

PANEL 6

ANDREI contracts to little more that a line with a BLIP.

PANEL 7

ANDREI, now a yellow-skinned, blue-and-cyan-haired, grey-eyed young man with a few sparkles still hanging onto him, slouches sullenly away.

STRIP 6 PANEL 1

SYBIL, an elderly woman with grey hair, purple skin, and blue eyes, is sitting on a porch swing while reading the newspaper. Nearby, HAROLD, about the same age, going bald with purple hair and moustache, green skin, and orange eyes, is repairing a bicycle.

SYBIL: It says here, "A weather front is moving in, causing very low reality pressure. Phenomena from Sacramento to San Antonio have been observed, such as Sasquatch miles west of its homeland, transmogrifying mammals, and ectoplasmic apparitions. Be on the lookout for rains of frogs!"

HAROLD: Sybil, you don't really believe all that, do you?

A door SLAMS out of sight.

HAROLD: Uri, is that you? Could you give me a hand with this?

PANEL 2

URI is centered, prominently handless.

URI:Hey, Dad, probably not, but I'll listen to your request.

PANEL 3:

HAROLD and SYBIL stare at URI.

STRIP 7 PANEL 1

URI: Hi, Mom.

PANEL 2

CECILIA, an older woman with a white streak in her red hair, white skin, and blue eyes, stares in shock.

PANEL 3

CECILIA covers her eyes in exasperation.

CECILIA: Uri, what am I going to do with you?

PANEL 4

Some time later, CECILIA picks up a book.

PANEL 5

CECILIA is sitting and reading when THE GRANDMA, with white hair, red skin, and black eyes, comes into the room.

THE GRANDMA: Cecilia, what am I going to do with you?

STRIP 8 PANEL 1

CECILIA: The Grandma was here today.

PANEL 2

JORDAN looks behind her warily.

JORDAN: Yeah? What did she say?

PANEL 3

CECILIA trying to be casual. CECILIA: Well . . . she wanted to know when you were coming to visit.

PANEL 4

JORDAN sitting down and covering her face with her hands, while CECILIA tries to comfort her.

JORDAN: I guess there are worse things than Uri not being human any more.

CECILIA: Amen.

STRIP 9 PANEL 1

JORDAN pours tea while THE GRANDMA, with very good posture, its on a couch.

JORDAN: So, Grandma, what do you want to do today?

THE GRANDMA: This place is filthy! Get down on your knees and scrub. Did you know a green-skinned woman lives across the hall from me? She's become a were-mouse! I wonder the management allows it. Later, you'll bake fifty loaves of bread, and then go earn seven hundred dollars to buy me a new set of silverware. I need you back by six, and you'll need someone to help you carry some heat-seeking missiles. Pick up the saucer, dear, not the cup.

PANEL 2

JORDAN is on hands and knees, scrubbing the floor.

JORDAN: I wonder how that neighbor feels living across from a controlling, obsessive pink woman? Grumble.

STRIP 10 PANEL 1

JORDAN is surrounded by the paraphernalia of a pet owner: aquarium, leashes, baby stoller, food dishes, mouse toy, and doggie bone.

ANDREI: Jordan, do you want a pet?

STRIP 11 PANEL 1

ANDREI is walking along, whistling, when he is hailed from around a corner.

ODEDA: (out of sight) Psst! Please don't yell. Is anyone else around?

PANEL 2

ANDREI stares in shock at ODEDA, a seven-foot-tall Sasquatch with orange fur, orange furless face, and blue spots and eyes.

PANEL 3

ODEDA and ANDREI talking.

ODEDA: Oh, dear. I am really getting tired of all those beat panels. Look, I'm lost, I'm tired, I'm dirty, and I'm hungry. I've already been chased by two rampaging mobs, and I have no way of improving my situation. Money will not help. Humans don't seem to want to sell my things. Can you aid me?

ANDREI: Um . . . Well, I might have an idea . . .

PANEL 4

Later, JORDAN is staring in shock at ODEDA with ANDREI between them.

ANDREI: Jordan, she followed me home. Can we keep her?

STRIP 12 PANEL 1

JORDAN talking to ODEDA.

JORDAN: You can sleep on the couch for now. Would you like something to eat? Uh, what do you eat?

PANEL 2

JORDAN stares in amazement at ODEDA's recitation. ANDREI comes up behind them.

ODEDA: I'm an omnivore, really, just like humans. I'll eat anything. I don't suppose you'd happen to have some styrofoam? If not, a few tin cans would be fine. Or I love Chinese take-out. And a healthy mix of zinc and alkaline batteries provides necessary nutrients. But that can wait until I've lined my stomach.

ANDREI: I think the world's landfill problems are solved.

STRIP 13 PANEL 1

JORDAN is lounging in a chair, reading.

BOOK: Attaching a piece of tape to your kitten's tail will afford hours of amusement for you and your beloved pet.

PANEL 2

A light-bulb goes on over JORDAN's head.

PANEL 3

ODEDA looks over her shoulder at her tail, which has a piece of tape stuck to it.

ODEDA: I can see we're going to have to work on some things.

STRIP 14 PANEL 1

JORDAN stands sheepishly before ODEDA, who is slightly sympathetic.

JORDAN: I'm sorry for putting tape on your tail. There's so much change going on, that I wanted to prove some things are still normal.

PANEL 2

Similar to 1, slightly different direction, Jordan looks a little incredulous, Odeda a bit upset.

ODEDA: But I'm not an animal Treat me as a normal person.

PANEL 3

JORDAN and ODEDA look incredulously at ANDREI, who seems guilty. JORDAN is almost horrified.

ANDREI: Um, I kind of sold her on the idea of having a house guest because she wanted a pet.

PANEL 4

Close-up of ODEDA, annoyed.

ODEDA: Meow!?

STRIP 15 PANEL 1

JORDAN stands in the door of GLENN's apartment. GLENN is now wearing a shirt and does not need to hold out his arms for balance, although his tail still curls all over.

JORDAN: Hi. Can I come in?

GLENN: Sure. Uri's here, too.

PANEL 2

Closer in, cannot see GLENN's tail.

JORDAN: Oh. I was, um . . . kind of hoping to talk about her. I was . . . I mean, this new change, and you've changed too, so . . .

PANEL 3

JORDAN and Glenn are sitting on a couch while JORDAN tries to explain and GLENN listens attentively. Neither see URI come down the hall.

JORDAN: You're a merman.

GLENN: Maerman-snake.

JORDAN: . . . and that's almost normal, but she's this ugly, slimy blob, and I don't understand, and can you please make her go away?

PANEL 4:

URI zips in, her body elongating and becoming slightly more aerodynamic.

PANEL 5

URI pokes a tentacle angrily against JORDAN's chest, waving a tube in JORDAN's face.

URI: Oh, gee, that's a real boost to my self-esteem.

STRIP 16 PANEL 1

URI is forcing JORDAN to back up, while JORDAN holds up her hands, not quite enough to placate.

URI: I ought to slime you into next century.

PANEL 2

GLENN leans over the back of the couch.

GLENN: Uri, she's already hurting. Why don't we sit down and you, uh, float nearby, and we'll discuss this.

PANEL 3

URI crosses two tentacles over her front; an eye moves out of the way so she can see around them.

URI: Okay, petit jumeau. I was busy working out a volcanic living system, but we'll finish this first.

PANEL 4

JORDAN cocks her head ironically, glancing at URI sidelong; URI becomes very stiff, and her coloring shades a little more towards the yellow.

JORDAN: That's funny. Grandma said the same thing.

URI: Aaagh!

STRIP 17 PANEL 1

URI is flattened on top of a shelf, using her tentalces to hug it. GLENN stands underneath, trying to talk her down.

GLENN: Uri, come down. The Grandma is miles away, and doen't have enough sustained charisma to garner the manpower to take over the world in the face of all the governments.

PANEL 2

JORDAN waves a hand airily.

JORDAN: She's not really trying to take over the world.

PANEL 3

GLENN uses his tail to make him ever taller than JORDAN, putting his hands on his hips.

GLENN: What planet are you on?

STRIP 18 PANEL 1

JORDAN holds out her hands as GLENN looks on.

JORDAN: What's wrong with being human?

PANEL 2

GLENN looks in the other direction at URI, who is coming down off the shelf.

URI: Why are you so prejudiced against my shape?

PANEL 3

GLENN looks back (as if watching a tennis match) at JORDAN, who is waving a finger in URI's direction.

JORDAN: Would you admit that prejudice in the face of Grandma is a survival tactic?

PANEL 4

All URI.

URI: Okay. You win.

STRIP 19 PANEL 1

Close in on URI.

URI: I'm prejudice in favor of mice and kangaroos. Can I help it if I'd rather not be human? If you can be prejudiced against me, I can be at least equally prejudiced against you.

PANEL 2

URI's back, Jordan facing her.

JORDAN: But why deliberately be something I not only don't like, but find disgusting?

PANEL 3

JORDAN's back, URI flexing to surround her on two sides, threatening to touch her, as JORDAN cowers back. URI: I'm your older sister. I'm supposed to annoy you.

STRIP 20 PANEL 1

JORDAN and URI lean on a railing with arms and tentacles crossed, respectively. Behind them is the silhouette of a roof, and behind that a starry sky. They both seem meditative. Full-body shot.

JORDAN: Shouldn't you be going home soon?

URI: Shouldn't you?

PANEL 2

Same shot, closer in. We cannot see the sky any more.

JORDAN: You were born first. You have to leave first.

URI: Yeah, but if I decide to leave, I have to give you a goodby hug.

PANEL 3

JORDAN, hair frazzled, is backing away from URI, who has her tentacles outstretched for a hug.

JORDAN: Eww! Slime!

URI: But it's antiseptic!

STRIP 21 PANEL 1

JORDAN hangs her head at ANDREI's information. We only see the back of ANDREI's head and arm over the couch.

ANDREI: The Grandma called while you were out.

JORDAN: Save me . . . what does she want now?

PANEL 2

ANDREI turns, but we still only see the top half of his face.

ANDREI: She said something about making a birthday cakes.

JORDAN: (out of sight) Oh, sure, that _sounds_ easy.

PANEL 3

The next day, JORDAN gapes at THE GRANDMA

THE GRANDMA: . . . a new oven, and a quarter ton of flour. Close your mouth, dear. A lady never stares.

STRIP 22 PANEL 1

JORDAN is carrying so many eggs, they tower above the panel. THE GRANDMA must use a cane as they walk down the sidewalk. It is a bright and cloudless day.

THE GRANDMA: Don't break a single one of the 3200 fresh-laid eggs. I don't want you wasting my money.

JORDAN: But Grandma, Mom doesn't eat cake.

PANEL 2

Close-up on JORDAN. Her hair is untidy, nd there are bags under her eyes. There is no way she could be carrying those eggs in real life. She is wearing an outfit very similar to THE GRANDMA's turtle- neck.

THE GRANDMA: (out of sight) Nonsense! Don't complain. There are thousands of people who'd be grateful for your position.

PANEL 3

JORDAN's head only. She rolls her eyes.

JORDAN: Yes, Grandma, I'm sure there are.

PANEL 4

In a murky bar, ONE PERSON drinks a beer while ANOTHER talks on the phone. The BARTENDER watches noncommitally and cleans a mug.

ANOTHER: She says she's got her granddaughter doing the cake thing, and if we don't come up with some other way of placating her, she's got a molotov cocktail for someone's home.

END.

SENSELESS SOAP

STRIP 23 PANEL 1

THE GRANDMA is in a warehouse with a man in a tie. In the background are a police officer and a man in cowboy boots, holding his hat.

GUY-IN-A-TIE: Please, great one, do not kill us. We have families. We are only simple villagers.

THE GRANDMA: (yawning) You live in one of the largest cities in the world.

PANEL 2

GUY-IN-A-TIE: Please, holy one . . .

THE GRANDMA: Holiness is relative.

GUY-IN-A-TIE: Please, relatively holy one, who holds our lives in her hands, we bring you this offering.

PANEL 3

A large tank full of water and orange-and-yellow fish with very sharp teeth: the PRIANHA.

PANEL 4

THE GRANDMA grins viciously.

STRIP 24 PANEL 1

THE GRANDMA: (rubbing her hands together in glee) Piranha! You will devour my enemies, thus protecting me and leading me towards my goal!

PANEL 2

A PIRANHA: (in the tank) Sure! If you'll give us your soul.

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA: (stares in shock at the idea of a talking fish.)

STRIP 25 PANEL 1

At JORDAN and ANDREI's apartment, in the living room. JORDAN is leaning over Andrei, who has turned from watching television so that we see only half his face over the couch.

JORDAN: (displaying her rough, red hands) Ugh. The skin has been stripped from my hands. Grandma had me making soap today. Lye is so caustic!

ANDREI: Just like her. What did she want with how much soap?

PANEL 2

Close-up on JORDAN, whose hands are twisted with fury and who has blood vessels bursting out of one eye. Very dramatic lighting.

JORDAN: She kept wanting more after I'd made hundreds of bars. Big ones. Several pounds each. I don't know why. She kept saying she wanted to clean up the ocean.

PANEL 3

Other side of the couch. JORDAN is lying with her head on Andrei's lap and an arm trailing off the couch.

ANDREI: (biting his lip) Uh-oh.

JORDAN: I'm just going to stay home tomorrow.

STRIP 26 PANEL 1

ANDREI on the phone.

ANDREI: Glenn, I can't get hold of Uri. I think The Grandma is trying to kill the world's oceans with soap, and Jordan won't believe me.

PANEL 2

GLENN on the phone.

GLENN: . . . Uuuhhh . . . Okay. I'll call some people, and we'll go track her.

PANEL 3

ANDREI: This may be a crazy idea, but what about calling the police?

PANEL 4

GLENN: And they'll arrest her for illegally dealing in soap? I don't think so.

STRIP 27 PANEL 1

XUE, CECILIA, MAIA, KAMALI, SAM, ANDREI, DOOLEY, GLENN are hiding behind a hedge. Together, they are the EIGHT. Six of them are bending over, supporting themselves on the back of the person in front. CECILIA is huddled up, facing the opposite direction. GLENN is kneeling on the ground, peering through a gap in the hedge.

XUE ('shway') is a young lady with yellow hair, purple skin, and magenta eyes. MAIA has orange hair, brown skin, and cyan eyes. KAMALI has red hair, black skin, and grey eyes. SAM has grey hair, blue skin, and white eyes. And DOOLEY has green hair, blue skin, and white eyes. XUE: Do you do this often?

MAIA: One of our main activities. It's fun, and we feel useful. If it works.

CECILIA: Oh, Mother . . .

KAMALI: I think we'd be better off just killing her.

DOOLEY: I can't believe she's carrying several tons of soap on that thing.

ANDREI: Believe it. The Grandma has many abilities.

GLENN: She's leaving!

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA heads down the street on a motorized wheelchair with water and a PIRANHA in the basket in front.

STRIP 28 PANEL 1

DOOLEY, SAM, ANDREI, MAIA, KAMALI, and XUE are running down the street with GLENN slithering ahead and CECILIA strolling behind.

PANEL 2

Still running, but seen from further away: also, three cars are backed up behind THE GRANDMA, still in her wheelchair.

KAMALI: At least she's not very fast, but how far do we have to run?

GLENN: It looks like she's heading for the big city.

PANEL 3

They have stopped on some grass.

KAMALI: (bending over to catch his breath) Not to complain, but I don't want to run a hundred miles to the city. GLENN: No problem. Sam, what have you got?

SAM: (searching through his tote bag, which we have not seen him carrying even though he's been in full view several times) Um . . .

MAIA: (to XUE, who is off camera to the left) Xue, get your nose out of that flower!

ANDREI wanders off to the right.

STRIP 29 PANEL 1

SAM: (holding a pair of roller skates and a yo-yo) Um, I only made one pair of solar-powered rocket skates.

DOOLEY: (arms crossed) You do realize that the longer we confer, the farther away she gets.

PANEL 2

MAIA: But it's a hundred miles, at least, and we're all tired from running.

SAM: (going through his tote bag again) And I had to put the solar cells on the bottom.

PANEL 3

SAM, DOOLEY, MAIA, and XUE are standing in a circle in front of a grassy gnoll.

SAM: (with his hand on his chin) If Zoe and Chloe were here, we could come up with something. XUE: Are they twins? SAM: No.

PANEL 4

GLENN: (Very excited, arms in the air) Let's hitchhike! EVERYONE ELSE: (off camera) NO!!

STRIP 30 PANEL 1

XUE: Where's she going now?

MAIA: Into the aqueducts. There are bike paths that go all the way to the ocean.

PANEL 2

ANDREI: (holding up a triumphant finger) Of course! Let's go!

PANEL 3

The EIGHT peer over a rail at a ramp leading to a path just above choppy water. THE GRANDMA is driving her wheelchair down there.

PANEL 4

ANDREI: We could swim.

GLENN: (resting an arm on his mer-tail) Excuse me, no way. That water is filthy!

PANEL 5

SAM: (holding up a bent bike tire) Um . . . I might have an idea.

STRIP 31 PANEL 1

At the base of the ramp, SAM and ANDREI are working on a contraption made of tires with two crossed poles sticking up. Some tin cans are littered around. They have acquired hammers from somewhere.

PANEL 2

KAMALI: What are they doing now? The Grandma's going to kill an entire ecosystem, and we stop to let them build a contraption that won't work.

MAIA: Ignore Kamali. He's just jealous because you're doing all the hard work, and he's useless.

PANEL 3

SAM: (looking around with nails in his mouth) Mm, he could nake shome camoflashe.

PANEL 4

KAMALI and DOOLEY, having found paintbrushes, paint, palettes, and a huge canvs somewhere, set about painting a water-themes camouflage.

STRIP 32 PANEL 1

The water in the canal is choppy, but a make-shift raft made of rubber car tires floats easily upon it. The camouflaged canvas is now used as a sail on the front of the raft. GLENN is balanced on his coiled tail with DOOLEY and CECILIA sitting behind him. XUE: (standing up, hanging onto the mast, singing) Singing in the spray, what a glorious feeling! How happy to be, in ocean spray.

PANEL 2

KAMALI: (laying back with eyes closed) Say it, don't spray it.

STRIP 33 PANEL 1

Birds-eye view of docks and boats and the place where the canal emerges into the ocean. The raft is a tiny point just about to enter the ocean.

DOOLEY: Did she get away from us?

ANDREI: How? That wheelchair crawls, and we have a quick current.

MAIA: And the millions of tons of soap would slow her down.

KAMALI: I don't think she's carrying a million tons of soap, Maia.

MAIA: I was being facetious.

CECILIA: There she is!

GLENN: Where?

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA and her chair are tiny on a dock in front of a giant battleship which blocks out the sun.

CECILIA: (words in a text box) Boarding that huge, battleship-grey ship.

STRIP 34 PANEL 1

The EIGHT are crouched over by the battleship.

SAM: Ummmmmm . . . Do we follow her?

MAIA: I don't see any guards.

ANDREI: There might be a way back up.

GLENN: No, too easy.

PANEL 2

ANDREI and XUE seen from a low angle with many shadows.

ANDREI: Why make things difficult? We'll just take the same way The Grandma took.

XUE: But she'll see us.

ANDREI: No, looking back ruins her posture.

STRIP 35 PANEL 1

In a corridor on the battleship. Everything is very grey. MAIA: Okay, we're here. Now what?

GLENN: We get the soap!

SAM: Um, if there's only a ton of soap, we'd need at least six times as many people to carry it.

PANEL 2

GLENN: (with a look of evil rapture on his face) So I'll hotwire a car.

PANEL 3

KAMALI: Glenn, why didn't you do that earlier so we didn't have to build a boat?

PANEL 4

ANDREI: You didn't build the boat, Kamali. I did.

PANEL 5

SAM looks uncomfortable but says nothing.

STRIP 36 PANEL 1

MAIA: We get the soap away from The Grandma. Then what?

ANDREI: I have a Sasquath who'll eat anything.

XUE: He eats soap? Eww!

ANDREI: She.

PANEL 2

DOOLEY: If soap kills fish and dolphins and coral reefs, why can the Sasquatch eat it?

KAMALI: Don't be stupid, Dooley. Sasquatch are primates, not marine animals.

PANEL 3

GLENN: What's a Sasquatch?

KAMALI: Bigfoot.

GLENN: I bet mythical creatures have a hard time dying.

KAMALI: But they probably can't eat soap, either.

STRIP 37 PANEL 1

ANDREI: (rubbing his hands together easily) Okay, let's pair off and find that soap!

MAIA: And irritate The Grandma!

PANEL 2

GLENN: I sort of have to go with Aunt Cecilia.

KAMALI: (hand on GLENN'S shoulder) Aww.

PANEL 3

ANDREI: (poking Kamali in the back) Don't worry, useless boy, you can come with the most valuable member of the team. It'll average out.

KAMALI: That would be Sam, right?

STRIP 38 PANEL 1

MAIA and XUE are walking down a long, grey corridor.

MAIA: Keep your mind on things. We don't know how seriously The Grandma will take our being here.

XUE: I've never been on a boat before.

PANEL 2

XUE's hand only, reaching out to push a large red button.

XUE: I wonder what this does.

PANEL 3

MAIA's hair stands on end.

PANEL 4

XUE: (tottering along with her hands tied behind her back) Maia, I'll behave, really I will, I . . .Hey, wait up!

STRIP 39 PANEL 1

XUE: (looking over her shoulder) Maia, do you hear something?

PANEL 2

MAIA: (angrily, hands on hips) Be quiet, Xue!

XUE: (turning back) No, listen!

PANEL 3

MAIA and XUE: (panicking) IT'S THE GRANDMA!!

PANEL 4

Close up of XUE's shoe catching on something, making her trip.

PANEL 5

MAIA running on as XUE falls flat, unable to save herself because her hads are still tied.

XUE: Oof.

STRIP 40 PANEL 1

MAIA, anxiously biting her lip, helps XUE to her feet.

PANEL 2

MAIA drags XUE along to an unlocked door, which she opens.

PANEL 3

MAIA listens at a crack in the door.

THE GRANDMA: . . . and if you double-cross me . . .

PIRANHA: But why soap? There are a million ways to kill crocodiles.

THE GRANDMA: There is no reason for anybody to be dirty. Soap is just not that expensive.

PIRANHA: Ugh. I feel like a fish out of water.

STRIP 41 PANEL 1

ANREI and KAMALI are walking down a corridor.

PANEL 2

ANDREI: You are so useless that when you die of leprosy, the average value of the human race will increase a hundred fifty percent.

KAMALI rolls his eyes.

PANEL 3

Still walking.

PANEL 4

KAMALI: Your imagination is so obviously lacking, you probably dream in charts and graphs.

PANEL 5

ANDREI: That insult was so pathetic, it jumped out a porthole, sank to the bottom of the ocean, and drowned.

PANEL 6

KAMALI: I hear that Jordan . . .

ANDREI: Don't bring her into this, or I can insult Glenn, and he's a lot easier target.

KAMALI: In your opinion.

STRIP 42 PANEL 1

KAMALI: You're slimier than a squid dipped in hair gel.

ANDREI: Then you're as limp and pathetic as a fish, Calamari Kamali.

ANDREI: What's that?

PANEL 2

ANDREI and KAMALI stare at the tank of PIRANHA.

PANEL 3

KAMALI: Okay, The Grandma is the real pathetic one.

ANDREI: What? Why, now?

KAMALI: Do you need me to draw you a picture? The Grandma has a tank of piranha to dump her victims in. Who does that in real life?

ANDREI: Who goes wandering around a battleship without the slightest technical expertise?

KAMALI: Andrei, the insult war is over. Focus on the probrlem at hand.

PIRANHA: Snicker.

STRIP 43 PANEL 1

DOOLEY: No, see, spending time with people is a vital part of humanity. And Glenn's still got a human head, so he's a prime example of an excellent socializer. The boy's got more friends than you've got gadgets.

SAM: (working on an appliance that looks remarkably like a can opener with a screwdriver) Umm . . .

PANEL 2

SAM: Well, but what if I'd rather not talk?

DOOLEY: Everyone's different. That's fine, as long as you don't let it rule your life.

SAM: (holding the appliance up, thinking) Maybe if it were rocket-powered?

PANEL 3

There are some green and yellow corrugated pipes up above. DOOLEY: And you are in serious danger of retreating so far into your mind that you'll never come out. Sam? Sam? Are you listening to me, Sam?

SAM: (thinking, looking up) I wonder where those pipes lead.

STRIP 44 PANEL 1

The pipes go straight across all three panels, not even breaking for the gutters.

SAM: (shaking his head with a hand to his brow) Sorry, Dooley. I just don't think I'm rea . . .I don't think those pipes are normal for a battleship.

DOOLEY: And you're an expert on battleships? Come on, Sam, we're discussing you.

SAM: (in a small voice) Actually . . .

PANEL 2

DOOLEY: You have to get out more. And not on these stupid save-the-world quests, either.

SAM: (turning his back) Ecosystem. Umm . . . So, what's new with you?

PANEL 3

DOOLEY: Oh, yeah! I met this great new guy who knows about . . .

SAM: (thinking, overlapping and obscuring Dooley's monologue) Wrong size, wrong color, newly installed. I bet they're a CLUE.

STRIP 45 PANEL 1

SAM: (sitting on a pipe, tugging at a wheel next to a junction of pipes and a sealed opening) The pipes lead to that giant tank, and . . . unh! Got it. They're filled with a viscous, sour-smelling liquid.

PANEL 2

DOOLEY: (looking up) Why don't you dip your finger in and taste it?

PANEL 3

SAM: Umm, that would be a good way to poison myself.

SAM: (thinking) It's strangely sudsy. What could it be?

DOOLEY: We're supposed to be looking for soap. You've followed this pipe dream far enough.

STRIP 46 PANEL 1

CECILIA: (reaching out a hand to GLENN) Glenn, are you sure about this?

GLENN: (looking uncomfortably behind himself) Yes, Aunt Cecilia.

PANEL 2

CECILIA: (Walking along) It's not too late to change back.

GLENN: (slithering along, rolling his eyes and grinning) This is the purest representation of my innermost self. I don't think I would have been able to change, otherwise.

PANEL 3

CECILIA: You understand that many people will find it hard to accept?

THE GRANDMA: (Off screen, in a sickly sweet voice {serif instead of sans-serif}) Cecilia, darling!

CECILIA and GLENN both flinch and grit their teeth.

GLENN: Like her?

STRIP 47 PANEL 1

THE GRANDMA is standing on a walkway over a large room, far away from the viewer. She is heavily shadowed throughout. The shadows seem to extend from her and cover everyone. CECILIA faces her; we see her back.

THE GRANDMA: Cecilia, sweetheart, what on earth are you doing here?

CECILIA: Mother, what are you doing with a battleship and ten lifetimes' worth of soap?

PANEL 2

Panel is split by a jagged line; we see only the heads of THE GRANDMA and CECILIA.

THE GRANDMA: (pouting) I baked a cake for your birthday, but you didn't come eat it.

CECILIA: Mother. Ship? Soap?

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA only. Closer up than the first panel, but still showing from hips up.

THE GRANDMA: And everyone's been neglecting me, and I haven't seen you in weeks, and I think I'm going to have to go to the hospital, and . . . WHAT IS THAT!?

PANEL 4

GLENN waves sheepishly, trying to hide behind his hand.

GLENN: Hi, Grandma.

STRIP 48 PANEL 1

THE GRANDMA: (close up) Of all the . . . this is . . . what . . .

PANEL 2

GLENN: (leaning towards CECILIA) Quick, we can tie her up while she goes into apoplexy.

CECILIA: Glenn! This is your grandmother you're talking about.

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA: (out of sight) OUTRAGE!

CECILIA: Mother! He's your grandson!

STRIP 49 PANEL 1

KAMALI stands in front of the piranha tank while ANDREI tries to open a faucet.

KAMALI: Are we moving?

ANDREI: Later. Help me release all this water.

KAMALI: I think we're moving.

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA: (walking down a spiral fight of stairs, pointing dramatically) Get that THING off my ship!

CECILIA: (off camera) MOTHER!

PANEL 3

The tank fills the entire panel. There are hundreds of fish.

PIRANHA: Hey! Grandma!Domestic abuse later. Right now we're about the be murdered!

STRIP 50 PANEL 1

THE GRANDMA: (still pointing) Oh, so you thought you could distract me with that TRAVESTY!? Well, I . . .

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA loses her balance on the stairs, arms windmilling so that she looks like she has four arms.

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA is in the distance, a small figure at the bottom of the stairs on hands and knees. CECILIA is in the foreground, running towards THE GRANDMA.

CECILIA: Mother!

PANEL 4

As CECILIA helps THE GRANDMA up, THE GRANDMA flies into a rage.

THE GRANDMA: (hands crooking into claws) Guards! I need my cane!

STRIP 51 PANEL 1

KAMALI and ANDREI are tied back-to-back with GLENN and CECILIA.

KAMALI: Now can I say at least things can't get any worse?

ANDREI: Compare four people dying to four million.

PANEL 2

Pull back so we see that the four are dangling over something. It's a long way back because GLENN's tail is so long. The rope covers them from chest to heel. They are to one side of the panel so CECILIA's monologue is squished and GLENN's sound is isolated.

CECILIA: Mother, this is wrong, and you know it. If you can't behave yourself any better, I will have you put away. You know I will. And you won't like that, Mother. It won't be as clean, and the food won't be as good, and you'll have to live with a room mate . . .

GLENN: Whimper

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA: (pointing dramatically up, with tears running from her eyes) You can't make me fail! I know you hate me!

PANEL 4

MAIA and XUE are still listening at the door in a dormitory.

THE GRANDMA: (off screen) I hate you, too!

XUE: Maia, what do we do?

STRIP 52 PANEL 1

MAIA and XUE listening at the door.

MAIA: We could rush her and get caught ourselves.

XUE: No.

PANEL 2

MAIA: We could sneak home and pretend this never happened.

XUE: You're not that good at pretending.

PANEL 3

MAIA: (concentrating harder) We could drill a hole in the boat, and sink it.

XUE: (brightly) Okay.

MAIA: And we'd drown.

PANEL 4

XUE is wearing a "d'oh" look. MAIA: (concentrating harder still) We could . . .

STRIP 53 PANEL 1

The piranha tank takes up the left of the panel.

PIRANHA: As soon as we eat your enemies, you are bound to us.

THE GRANDMA: And I'm going to deliver.

PIRANHA: And you can't kill us off.

THE GRANDMA: Unless you renege.

PANEL 2

The tank now takes up half the panel.

PIRANHA: And you'll give us a new, less crowded river with all the crocodiles killed off, and we'll be remembered as great exploreres of a new age.

THE GRANDMA: And you'llgive me your first-born children for the rest of my life.

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA is now behind the piranha tank, which takes up the whole panel.

PIRANHA: At your age and accident rate, that shouldn't be long.

STRIP 54 PANEL 1

DOOLEY: (peering around a corner) This is not good. This is not good.

PANEL 2

SAM: (still sitting on top of a pipe, thinking) If the soap leads to the fish tank, and the fish tank is the problem . . .

PANEL 3

A yellow cylinder sticks off the green pipe in the foreground. In the background, SAM is scooting along the pipe with his hands, towards the cylinder.

SAM: (thinking) Valve!

PANEL 4

Close up on a wrench turning a nut on the valve.

STRIP 55 PANEL 1

THE GRANDMA: (pulling her hair out) My piranha! My death-trap slipped and killed them all!

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA: (close up, pausing and thinking more carefully) My piranha, who were probably planning my death to get out of paying me.

PANEL 3

In the background, we see the four tied up over the piranha tank. THE GRANDMA looks up at them.

THE GRANDMA: (starting to smile) And my enemies are still tied up, only this time over a toxic stew that will cause a lingering, but clean, death.

PANEL 4

THE GRANDMA: (clasping her hands and beaming) Yes, it's a good day.

STRIP 56 PANEL 1

In the background, we see the four tied up over the piranha tank. Around a corner, DOOLEY is backing up, feeling his way along the wall.

DOOLEY: Don't panic . . . Don't panic . . . Don't panic . . .

PANEL 2

DOOlEY's hand brushes over the same big red button XUE almost pushed in strip 38.

PANEL 3

DOOLEY looks up at a flashing light as an electronic voice announces:

SHIP: BEEP. Thank you for pushing the self-destruct. You have two hours to hobble out as quickly as possible. BEEP.

PANEL 4

DOOLEY: (rushing out as red lights continue to flash) EVERYBODY PANIC!

STRIP 57 PANEL 1

THE GRANDMA: Oh, bleach and blenders, the self destruct? And I was so close to having everything on my to-do list done.

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA: (pull back) Well, goodbye, Cecilia. I hope to see you again, but I fear this is adieu.

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA: (grinning) As for the rest of you, I'm glad you'll eat shrapnel. My secrets are safe forever!

STRIP 58 PANEL 1

Inside the dormitory, MAIA poking her head out of the door, XUE anxiously standing on one foot and holding her wrist with the opposite hand.

MAIA: We could wait until The Grandma's gone and then get them down.

XUE: The boat's self-destructing. I'm in favor of sneaking home now.

PANEL 2

Outside the room, only MAIA's head and the door.

MAIA: No, I mean The Grandma's GONE!

PANEL 3

XUE: Oh! Well, then, it's all roses and daisies. Any guards?

PANEL 4

MAIA: (flinging her hands in the air delightedly) No! It's empty!

XUE: (hands like a rabbit's paws or other rodent sitting on hind legs, but smiling) Any ladders?

MAIA: No . . .

STRIP 59 PANEL 1

Tiny four tied over the tank, tiny DOOLEY running up to them. The tank is now sickly green, and all the piranha are floating on top.

DOOLEY: Kamali! Got an easel?

KAMALI: What kind of time is it to be asking about that?

PANEL 2

DOOLEY: (close-up) The kind of time when we need something big and sturdy to get you down!

PANEL 3

KAMALI: (tied up next to ANDREI, back to back with GLENN) Oh, all right. Glenn, get it out of my back pocket.

ANDREI: I don't think that'll be big enough.

ROW 2, PANEL 4

KAMALI: No, Sam Zoe, and Chloe made it so it folds up.

PANEL 5

KAMALI: (extreme close-up) What? You never know when you'll see a good sunset.

STRIP 60 PANEL 1

DOOLEY is by the tank, wrestling with an easel which unfolds to be taller than he. His hand is near some buttons.

DOOLEY: It's not big enough.

ANDREI: (out of the panel, from above) I bet it unfolds more.

PANEL 2

DOOLEY's thumb passes over the buttons with a 'click.'

ROW 2, PANEL 3

DOOLEY is flung on his backside as the easel launches with a rush of flame.

ROW 3, PANEL 4

The easel is vanishing into the sky out a hole in the roof.

PANEL 5

CECILIA: Glenn, is everything Sam makes rocket-powered?

STRIP 61 PANEL 1

MAIA: (examining one of the bunks in the dormitory) This'll do.

PANEL 2

With an effort, MAIA and XUE pull a bunk free.

PANEL 3

MAIA and XUE run towards DOOLEY and the tank with mattresses on their backs; one of XUE's is slipping free.

MAIA: Quick! Nail these together!

PANEL 4

ANDREI: Sam's got all the nails!

STRIP 62 PANEL 1

The easel, followed by a streak of flame, passes a helicopter.

PANEL 2

Inside the helicopter, THE GRANDMA is looking out the window.

THE GRANDMA: Hmm. Note to self. Make future self-destructs longer. That almost hit me.

PANEL 3

GUY-IN-A-TIE: (piloting the aircraft) Do you think anyone else got away?

THE GRANDMA: (behind him) I'm sure my other lackeys jumped overboard and swam to shore. I'll see to it that each of them gets back to their home country eventually.

PANEL 4

The helicopter flies off into the distance.

THE GRANDMA: (not seen) I take care of my dependants.

STRIP 63 PANEL 1

SAM is hammering away at the mattresses.

PANEL 2

MAIA is precariously balanced on two mattresses above the tank, trying to figure out how to untie the other four.

PANEL 3

GLENN gleefully jumps down from the top as KAMALI turns, afraid that he's going to get knocked over. GLENN's tail streams behind him.

STRIP 64 PANEL 1

SAM, XUE, and another of whom we see only the foot are running up stairs. Glenn slithers, arms held out for balance.

PANEL 2

ANDREI: (out of breath, emerging through a doorway from the stairs to the ship deck) Howto get off a moving ship?

PANEL 3

He sees the lifeboat labeled "TGS Apron."

STRIP 65 PANEL 1

CECILIA: (in the lifeboat) Any luck with that knot?

PANEL 2

Several pairs of hands are working on a huge ball of rope.

PANEL 3

ANDREI: (sweat pouring down his forehead, teeth gritted) Not much.

STRIP 66 PANEL 1

In the lifeboat with DOOLEY.

KAMALI: Hurry up.

XUE: You know, I think . . .

CECILIA: Everybody overboard!

PANEL 2

All but CECILIA are seen diving over the side of the ship.

PANEL 3

The battleship explodes in three places.

STRIP 67 PANEL 1

On a beach.

GLENN: (dripping) That water was filthy! Never again!

ANDREI: (fixing his hair) Could have used some soap, huh?

PANEL 2

CECILIA: (facing away, watching the boat sink into the ocean) And he saved you from drowning, and you still stalk to him like that?

GLENN: (wringing out his shirt) Never mind, Aunt Cecilia.

ANDREI unconcernedly continue with his hair.

PANEL 3

Establishing shot. A landscape of a large delta in land fading from the beach to green, with a cluster of pyramids. Overlaid on this is an outline of Egypt.

PANEL 4

MAIA: (dripping) Pyramids? Where are we?

KAMALI: (dripping but grinning) The longest river in the world.

END

A PRETTY PENNY

STRIP 68 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (sitting on a couch in a living room, on the phone) Andrei! Where are you? Why didn't you come home last night?

PANEL 2

ANDREI: (at a public telephone) I'm with your momand a bunch of Glenn's friends on another continent, and we don't have any way to get home.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (hand over her heart in classic 'I'm having a heart attack' mode) WHAT!? How did you get there?

PANEL 4

ANDREI: You wouldn't believe me. You never believe anything bad about The Grandma.

PANEL 5

JORDAN: (taking umbrage) Just because she's not a stereotypically sweet old lady . . .

PANEL 6

ANDREI: Oh, she's sweet, all right. She causes cavities.

KAMALI: Tell Jordan the Grandma is so sweet because she carries a bee's nest under her turtle-neck, and we just got stung.

STRIP 69 PANEL 1

ANDREI: (leaning against wall, on phone) So anyway, we need fares home fore eight.

PANEL 2

JORDAN: (in shock) What? No! Can't any of them borrow from someone else?

PANEL 3

ANDREI: No, they're all friendless orphans.

ROW 2, PANEL 4

Sitting at a long table in a smokey bar. We only see the backs of CECILIA's and GLENN's heads.

MAIA: (chin on hand) Dad's going to kill me if he finds out about this.

DOOLEY: (nursing a mug of beer) My father, too.

SAM: (extremely depressed) Mmm. Yeah.

XUE: (tipsily leaning on Sam's shoulders, waving a sherry around) I don't need to worry about parents. I'm an orphan.

STRIP 70 PANEL 1

SYBIL: (sitting on a porch swing, reading the newspaper) "The largest planet in our solar system has a crimson storm that is expected to last several centuries. By contrast, our storm is caused by unusual electromagnetic radiation and lunar flares, and will last about a year, due to the drastically lower gravity and thinner atmosphere."

PANEL 2

HAROLD: (dribbling a basketball) Yes, but I'm getting tired ofwaking up with CDs for toenails.

SYBIL: Hey, I like "Dripping Madmen," "Ash Ocean," and "Dictator."

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (poking her head out the back door) Dad, have you got a minute?

STRIP 71 PANEL 1

JORDAN: . . . so I need eight thousand dollars to get them back on this continent so they can try to repay me.

PANEL 2

HAROLD: (basketball under his arm) Well, Jordan, I'd be happy to help you out . . .

JORDAN: No, Dad, I can do this by myself. (sotto voce) They don't need interest on top of their other problems.

PANEL 3

HAROLD: What was that?

JORDAN: (rolling her eyes) nothing, Dad.

STRIP 72 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (a finger thoughtfully to her lips) Grandma owes me after all I've done for her, but she'd probably see it as me oweing her after I take money from her.

PANEL 2

JORDAN: (leaning over arm of couch, arms folded) I can't get another job unless it pays a lot for a short amount of time. Everyone needs to be back here soon.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (flipped over on her back, arms splayed across the couch) Remortgaging the condo brings us back to the interest problem, and Dad would probably give me a lower rate, even with continual compounding.

PANEL 4

JORDAN: (sitting upside-down on the couch, legs over the back, head hanging down) Uri's smart. Maybe she can figure something out. I wonder where she is.

STRIP 73 PANEL 1

A beautiful sunset over the ocean of the coast of Los Angeles, with a tiny speck of green island.

PANEL 2

Closer in on the island are palm trees, crashing waves, and a tiny speck of orange URI.

PANEL 3

URI: (pouring sand out of one of her tubes, singing) Zhoomble loomble floomble bloomble eagle bloom . . .

STRIP 74 PANEL 1

At least five people are in line outside a red and purple tent, including BENVOLO, who has blue skin and yellow hair and eyes, and is constantly grinning. FLORENCE is walking into the tent. JORDAN stands on a soap box, dressed as a carnival barker: red and white striped shirt, blue pants, bamboo cane. No hat.

JORDAN: Step right up and have the Bewildering Bigfoot tell your fortune! Only fifty dollars!

ROW 2, PANEL 2

Inside the tent.

ODEDA: (holding some Tarot cards) I foresee you meeting someone unlike any you've ever met who will give you a few bits of common sense and a good show, for which you will pay a great deal of money.

PANEL 3

FLORENCE: Why, you're almost describing right now!

STRIP 75 PANEL 1

GIRL: (with cyan skin and eyes, and purple hair which she flips confidently over her shoulder) I need someone to tell me how wonderful I am.

PANEL 2

ODEDA: (rolling her eyes) You're wonderful.

GIRL: (standing up to lean over the table to examine four Tarot cards laid out on it) Really?

PANEL 3

ODEDA: (somewhat bitterly) Quite wonderful. Fabulous, in fact. A glorious radience who brightens the lives of all you come in contact with, beautiful beyond any diamond, wise beyond any owl, and caring beyond any mother.

PANEL 4

GIRL: (eyes filling with tears) My mother just died, my boyfriend left me when I found out I was having a baby, and you don't have to make fun of me!

STRIP 76 PANEL 1

BOY: (with green skin, yellow hair, and blue eyes, pointing at ODEDA) So you're Bigfoot, huh?

ODEDA: I prefer the term Sasquatch.

PANEL 2

BOY: You're really hairy.

ODEDA: Uh . . . thank you.

PANEL 3

BOY: And you've got spots.

ODEDA: (shuffling Tarot cards) Yes. So?

PANEL 4

BOY: Is it true when your feet are ground up, they're an aphrodisiac?

ODEDA: (scowling) No. Now you've asked a question and gotten an answer. Please leave.

STRIP 77 PANEL 1

GIRL: (with blue hair, purple skin, and white eyes) I'm broke and I don't know what to do.

ODEDA: (not even looking at the Tarot cards) I had that problem myself when I arrived in town.

PANEL 2

GIRL: I need money fast.

ODEDA: Well, there's getting a job.

PANEL 3

Panel of hands. Two of ODEDA's hands holding the deck of Tarot cards - she is missing the thumb, index finger, and first joint of her ring finger on her right hand. Left hand is fine, but can't see the thumb because it's under the cards. The GIRL's hand tentatively touches the Tarot cards.

GIRL: Can't I do what you're doing?

ODEDA: You need a state license. Why did you spend fifty dollars on this if you're broke?

PANEL 4

GIRL: I don't like hard work. I'd rather scam people. Can I have a refund?

ODEDA is in shock.

STRIP 78 PANEL 1

BENVOLO: (ginning like he can't stop, showing all his teeth, leaning back confidently with one leg crossed over the other) I need a job.

PANEL 2

ODEDA: (examining the Tarot cards thoughtfully) You're an actor, right? I don't see any jobs for you . . .

PANEL 3

BENVOLO: (leaning forward, hands clasped beseechingly) No, I mean I need a job right now. Will you give me one?

STRIP 79 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (in the tent, considerably slouched over) Long day.

PANEL 2

ODEDA: But I'm earning my keep, and it's something I'm good at.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: I feel so dirty. I'd feel even worse if people weren't so gullible.

PANEL 4

ODEDA: (solemnly shuffling the Tarot cards) Uh-huh. So does that mean you don't want me to tell you where Uri is?

STRIP 80 PANEL 1

BENVOLO: (pulling back a tent flap to look in again) Are you hiring?

PANEL 2

JORDAN and ODEDA: NO!

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (leaning tiredly on the table, looking up) So tell me, Odeda, you really can read the future in Tarot cards?

PANEL 4

ODEDA: (with raised hands) No, hah! Uri gave me her cell phone number before she left and swore she'd keep it charged.

STRIP 81 PANEL 1

URI is building a sand castle while a cell phone somewhere builds to a crescendo: "doo doo doo BEEP BEEP SCREECH

PANEL 2

URI: (digging in the sand for her phone) Oh. Um. No pockets. Where did I put the phone?

PANEL 3

URI: (holding the phone next to a tube phone, eyes in all directions) Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. My new number is a Fibonacci sequence. I thought you'd be able to guess it. It's only off by five, and . . . Oh. Yeah, I'll be right there.

PANEL 4

URI: (looking at the dense growth of palm trees) Well, bye island.

STRIP 82 PANEL 1

URI enters the tent, towing THEO, who has grey hair (not old - just happened to be born lacking certain pigments, as with almost everyone else in this webcomic), brown skin, yellow eyes, and a grin.

URI: Jordan, this is Theo. He'll be the brains. Theo, Jordan will provide enough effort to get at least half of them home.

PANEL 2

THEO: What about you?

PANEL 3

URI: (already most of the way out of the tent again, waving goodbye) I'm the advertising gimmick. Call me when you have something for me to do!

PANEL 4

THEO: Pretty girls make better advertising than indistinct blobs, anyway.

JORDAN: I'm only interested in getting my boyfriend home.

THEO: Oh.

STRIP 83 PANEL 1

THEO: (fingers steepled) We need $8000. First, we figure out how to get it. If we have any decent collateral . . .

JORDAN: We don't borrow.

PANEL 2

THEO: Pyramid schemes can be quite . . .

JORDAN: (shocked) Nothing illegal.

PANEL 3

THEO: Well, we've got one excellent product right here.

JORDAN: (jumping up with clenched fists) I DON'T sell my body!

PANEL 4

THEO: (not ginning for once) Do you enjoy making this difficult for me?

STRIP 84 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (hands on hips) Odeda and I alreda made $1500 today. I don't think we need your help.

PANEL 2

THEO: (whipping out a laptop - he never had a bag, either) Well, why didn't you say so? I thought you'd have to do something illegal for this, but if you actually have the money . . . there you go! I've tripled your money day-trading. Oops. There it goes.

STRIP 85 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (head on arms, hair flowing over the table) I'm going to have a heart attack.

PANEL 2

Continuation of first panel: the line of the table and JORDAN's hair was merely interrupted by the gutter.

THEO: (staring at the laptop) You, my dear, do not have the soul of a financier. Never fear. I have pulled you out at a mere quintuple your starting budget. Minus my fee, and you need only earn $2000 more.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (kneeling on THEO's chest, strangling the life out of THEO) YOU TOOK A TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT FEE!?

THEO: (hands flailing desperately) Plus expenses! Plus expenses!

STRIP 86 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (scowling with narrowed eyes) You're not leaving until everyone has a ride home!

THEO: (raising hands in surrender) Tell you what. I will lend you . . .

PANEL 2

JORDAN: (hair frazzled and flustered, eyes wide, ferocious frown) I said no borrowing! I don't want them to have to pay interest!

THEO: (his head trying to burrow sheepishly into his shoulders) A very reasonable rate!

STRIP 87 PANEL 1

THEO: (shrugging) Just give me half an hour more and I'll give you the whole kaboodle.

JORDAN: (threatening THEO with her fists) I can't take any more of your day-trading, Theo.

PANEL 2

THEO: Did you expect to make money without sacrifices?

PANEL 3

JORDAN gapes at him.

PANEL 4

THEO is hunched over his laptop, which casts an eerie glow. Jordan crouches on the ground in a corne of the tent, massaging her temples.

JORDAN: I will not kill Uri. I will not kill Uri. I will not . . .

STRIP 88 PANEL 1

ANDREI: (wiving tickets triumphantly) Yes! I knew Jordan would pull through. Seven tickets home! And there are eight of us. Sorry, Kamali, I guess you'll have to stay.

KAMALI: I thought Cecilia was only staying to look after us and would get back on her own. And I thought our country kicked you out and wouldn't let you return.

PANEL 2

XUE: When are the tickets for? Do we have time to go shopping?

PANEL 3

ANDREI and KAMALI: Shopping!? With what money?

PANEL 4

ANDREI and KAMALI eye each other uncomfortably.

STRIP 89 PANEL 1

GLENN is sitting on a tall stool with his tail wrapped around it, playing a small guitar and a hat (baseball cap) set on the floor in front of him.

GLENN:(singing with his eyes closed)

Grandma Had fish. She had A wish; A bad, bad goal: She fed The whole Of her Own soul To pir- -anha.

PANEL 2

GLENN:(really getting into the mood of the song)

Grandma Was in A world Of fins And whole Sharp teeth. Her soul Did seeth And boil. Water wreath And toil. Piranha.

PANEL 3

GLENN shakes a fist at a man who tosses a copper coin into the hat as he (the coin-tosser) walks away. GLENN holds the guitar in his other hand.

GLENN: I don't need a day-job! I've got public grants!

STRIP 90 PANEL 1

KAMALI and XUE walk down a narrow city street. KAMALI is dressed in a loose khaki robe, and XUE is carrying a number of packages.

KAMALI: (examining the arm of his new costume) I like this. It's practical. Comfortable in this hot weather. Loose and flowing.

XUE: And unique.

PANEL 2

XUE: Uh-oh. Hee hee.

PANEL 3

ANDREI shows up, dressed in the exact same khaki robe. ANDREI and KAMALI stare at each other incredulously.

STRIP 91 PANEL 1

JORDAN slams the door to URI's apartment open so hard, the doorknob cracks the wall behind it.

JORDAN: Uri Van Hayes, I want to talk to you!

PANEL 2

URI is sitting in a large collander on the kitchen counter. She is holding a pencil in each of two tentacles, and has a sheet of paper propped up in front of her. It has the basic sketch of a building on it (not yet to the blueprint phase).

JORDAN: (bent over to tak to URI) Do you know what you just put me through?It was a nightmare of bulls and bears. And I've been mauled a hundred times today.

URI: Aww, poor Jordan. Here, let me give you a comforting hug.

PANEL 3

Exact same panel.

JORDAN: Keep your tentacles away from me, you freak.

URI: Moron.

JORDAN: Mutant.

URI: Sub-par.

JORDAN: Monster.

URI: Lack-wit.

PANEL 4

JORDAN: (close-up) I do love you, Uri.

STRIP 92 PANEL 1

The Sphinx and beautiful sand dunes. Kamali is holding a small canvas and a brush, with which he has made only one stroke.

DOOLEY: I wish I'd brought my camera.

KAMALI: Meh.

ROW 2, PANEL 2

Nearly the same panel, except now KAMALI has completed nearly all of a picture of the Sphinx except one brush stroke.

DOOLEY: That way, I could paint it when we go home.

KAMALI: Hmph.

STRIP 93 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (arms folded and scowling) Uri, you're my sister, but sometimes . . .

URI: (still in the colander, with a weird accent) Zhoombly zhoombly jeep I no longer speak your human tongue eagle eagle

PANEL 2

Perspective is at a forty-fice degree angle from behind URI. JORDAN now holds a crowbar. URI's tubes and tentacles are suddenly wilting with fear.

JORDAN: You just did. And the fact that you're clearly deranged won't save you from my wrath.

URI: (small voice) Meep?

ROW 2, PANEL 3

JORDAN smacks the crowbar vigorously against the palm of her hand.

URI: (loud voice, scurrying away across the kitchen counter, using her tentacles as legs and feet, for once not floating) MEEP!

STRIP 94 PANEL 1

DOOLEY: I know you're better than me. You don't have to rub it in.

KAMALI: I have my tricks.

PANEL 2

KAMALI: (as his brush falls out of his pocket) It helps if you keep your tools with you always.

PANEL 3

A mummified hand reaches out to grab the brush where it lies in the desert among rocks and sand.

KAMALI: (off screen) And practise, practise, practise.

STRIP 95 PANEL 1

Birds-eye view. URI is wrapped tightly around a brass and crystal chandelier. Jordan is standing beneath her, looking up through the spokes of the chandelief, still holding a crowbar.

URI: Okay! Okay! I'll never help you again!

PANEL 2

JORDAN: (shaking fist and crowbar) If onlyyou had helped me! But no, you introduced me to a libertine and a gambler and left!

PANEL 3

URI: I was busy! I have a project . . .

PANEL 4

JORDAN: What project? You never have anything to show for it!

URI (off screen) Um . . . gleeble?

STRIP 96 PANEL 1

Boarding an airplane.

XUE: (singing, swinging on the staircase railing) Oh, give me a home where the Pontiacs roam, where the smog and the whatevers gloom!

PANEL 2

MAIA: (massaging her forehead) Stop it! Just stop singing, Xue.

PANEL 3

GLENN: Relax, Maia. Just think of all the things we didn't have to deal with.

PANEL 4

In the Sahara desert, a mummy is staring at the brush he just appropriated.

TEXTBOX: To be continued.

STRIP 97 PANEL 1

JORDAN: You're going to lose your job and your friendsif you don't at least show up in an emergency! URI: (sticking to a wall) Gleeble gleeble gleeble.

PANEL 2

URI: (rolling eyes) Oh, never mind.

PANEL 3

JORDAN looks away, rolling her own eyes in less-than-tolerant amusement.

URI: (floating again, with crossed tentacles) My only friends are family, and you can't lose family. Especially not this family.

PANEL 4

URI: And I've already lost my job, so I think I'm entitled to some sulking time.

JORDAN's head whips around in astonishment. Her mouth gapes open.

STRIP 98 PANEL 1

Birds-eye view. JORDAN and URI are sitting in armchairs clustered (two chairs can be clustered, can't they?) around a rug. JORDAN has her head in her hands and her elbows on her knees. URI has tentacles draped over the arms of her chair as if she were at her ease.

URI: No one wants to hire an extreme architect these days, even if she isn't an amoeba.

PANEL 2

Level view.

URI: And the people at the restaurant didn't want a blob serving their food, so management let me go.

PANEL 3

URI: (starting to float, tentacles waving) They said that if I fix my "medical issues," they'll welcome me back.

PANEL 4

URI: (now well above the chair, with tentacles and tubes sticking straight out) But I'm not changing back! This is my shape! Mine!

STRIP 99 PANEL 1

URI is elongated and zipping in circles around JORDAN, who is trying to turn fast enough to keep up with her sister.

JORDAN: Calm down, Uri! No one's making you change back.

PANEL 2

JORDAN: (extreme close-up - facial features only, no face outline or hair) No one's commenting on how unappealing this shape is and how much better you looked as a human.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (squeezing her eyes shut, bracing against the enormity of her offer) And to show my support, I'm asking you to come to the airport with me. In public.

PANEL 4

URI: Thanks. I'd rather inhale a wasp's nest.

JORDAN flushes bright red.

STRIP 100 has a border of leafy vines all the way around it. PANEL 1

A large jet plane hooked up to a causeway.

PANEL 2

In the waiting room, VIVIAN, FLORENCE, and JORDAN share a bench. VIVIAN is reading a huge book. It's probably even a tome. FLORENCE is floating a ball of fire above her hand. JORDAN has one leg crossed over the other.

PANEL 3

Split panel. Floating heads on either side of a jagged line. Both ladies are delighted to see their lovers return.

FLORENCE: Dooley! JORDAN: Andrei!

PANEL 4

After disembarking, ANDREI stands with feet well planted and arms spread wide, a big grin on his face. DOOLEY gives a tight smile, standing pigeon-toed with his hands clasped behind him. XUE is dragging a large sack with her, and MAIA raises her hands to the heavens, giving thanks that she is home.

PANEL 5

JORDAN and ANDREI kiss, wrapped thoroughly around each other.

PANEL 6

FLORENCE kisses DOOLEY, dangling all over him. DOOLEY still has his hands behind his back.

PANEL 7

GLENN: (wiping away a tear) I just love a happy ending, don't you, Kamali?

KAMALI: (hands cupped around his mouth) Get a room!

END

THRICE TO THINE

STRIP 101 PANEL 1

FLORENCE: (strolling arm-in-arm with DOOLEY) That sounds terrible. I am never going on one of your Grandmother hunts.

PANEL 2

FLORENCE: (producing a ball of fire which floats above her hand) Anyway, see what I can do!

DOOLEY: (leaping back in fear) Gaah!

PANEL 3

FLORENCE: So, Vivian and I decided to try to put together a whole coven. I think with a lot of people we can focus a lot of power, and do some really interesting things, and maybe create some good in this world. So who else do you suggest?

PANEL 4

DOOLEY: Not me! Not on your life!

FLORENCE: But . . . Dooley, you have to!

STRIP 102 PANEL 1

FLORENCE looks depressed. DOOLEY is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

VIVIAN: (hand on hips, frowning) Dooley Dugelhoff, you are really letting Florence down. It's not a coven without a culture, and it's not a culture with only two people! This is for the glory of Hera!

PANEL 2

FLORENCE: (pushing VIVIAN out of the way, creating a fireball, and leaning back to throw it) Never mind Hera, look what I can do!

PANEL 3

FLORENCE: (still with one hand raised, but now it is only surrounded by smoke) Now, isn't that something you'd like to do, too?

PANEL 4

DOOLEY is badly burnt on one side of his face, with even more smoke rising from his skin and singed hair.

FLORENCE: (off screen) Oh.

STRIP 103 PANEL 1

FLORENCE: (lower lip trempbling) I don't understand. Why won't you join our coven?

PANEL 2

DOOLEY: (miraculously healed from his burns {VIVIAN did it!}) Well, Florence . . . I think it might be best if we don't see each other any more.

PANEL 3

FLORENCE stares after DOOLEY. The dark clouds of depression settle in the background.

PANEL 4

FLORENCE hangs her head. The clouds turn redder and volcanic. FLORENCE's hair obscures half her face and leaves the rest in shadow.

VIVIAN: (patting FLORENCE cheerfully on the back) Well, Florence,now that you're not tangled up with Dooley, maybe you can lure someone else in.

STRIP 104 PANEL 1

URI: Glenn!

PANEL 2

URI: (hugging GLENN, who hugs back) Mon petit jumeau, it's been days!

ROW 2, PANEL 3

URI: (elongated, going in circles around GLENN) I'm loopy with joy. Loop-a-loop-a-loop.

GLENN: (shown full-figure, with all the loops of his tail) Ha! No, I'm loopy.

STRIP 104b PANEL 1

URI: Glenn!

PANEL 2

URI: (en embrassant GLENN, qui elle embrasse) My little twin, il y a des jours!

ROW 2, PANEL 3

URI: (en longue, faisant des circles de GLENN) J'ai de la joie folle. Boucle boucle boucle.

GLENN: (nous lui voyons en complete, avec tout les boucles de son fil) Non, J'ai des boucles.

STRIP 105 PANEL 1

Outdoors, in a parking lot.

VIVIAN: (running with her robes hiked up to her knees and her hood streaming behind her) Glenn! Glenn! We need you!

PANEL 2

GLENN: (in the passenger seat of a shiny copper Jaguar) What do you need?

VIVIAN: (off screen) Oh, wow.

PANEL 3

VIVIAN: (pleading, hands clasped) You have to join our coven.

GLENN: I'm a little busy right now. This can wait, right?

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: (shocked) Don't be ridiculous!

STRIP 106 PANEL 1

GLENN: Uri and I are off on a road trip right now.

VIVIAN: Where's URI?

PANEL 2

URI: (one eye popping up on a stalk over the driver's seat) Just limbering up. It's going to be a marathon drive.

GLENN: We're getting kangaroos for her new project.

PANEL 3

VIVIAN: But you just got back from being stuck in another country!

PANEL 4

GLENN: (with a ridiculous grin on his face, looking at URI) Yeah! It was great!

URI: (looking back with three eyes on stalks) When we've used a third of our money, we're declaring ourselves out of gas until we're bored.

STRIP 107 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: But we still need eleven people!

PANEL 2

GLENN: (rummaging in the trunk) I might be able to help.

PANEL 3

GLENN: (upper body entirely in the trunk with only his tail swinging around outside, flinging random junk in every direction) This is actually too big to bring.

PANEL 4

GLENN: (hugging a black book that is taller than his torso and head together) My little black book.

STRIP 108 PANEL 1

At VIVIAN's place, VIVIAN has placed GLENN's contact book on a book stand that is much to small for it. VIVIAN holds one hand over it reverentially.

VIVIAN: Voila! Glenn's list of contacts.

FLORENCE: (looking down, dressed in grey as if in mourning) Now that's a book of shadows.

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: (leafing through the book) Let's see what we have. Name, birthday, phone, address, occupation, vital statistics, and favorite topic of conversation.

PANEL 3

FLORENCE: (looking over VIVIAN's shoulder) Really? What does Dooley's say?

VIVIAN: The same thing as everyone else.

PANEL 4

Detail of the book, which is open to the 'Du's. Part of the last name, not entirely alphabetical, list of 'himself's and 'herself's with one 'sombreros' and one 'elephants' thrown in, and part of the phone numbers, which incidentally were made up using digits pf pi.

VIVIAN: (off screen) Himself.

STRIP 109 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: (leafing through the book, with a poster of the three Graces on the wall in the background) Actors, lawyers, acupuncturists . . .

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: Here's a whole family of IRS agents!

PANEL 3

VIVIAN: Is there anyone Glenn doesn't know?

PANEL 4

FLORENCE: How about the king of California?

VIVIAN: (off screen) Four telephone numbers and private e-mail.

STRIP 110 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: (with one hand over her eyes and the other pointing dramatically towards the ceiling) Great Gaia and Holy Hera, guide my hand!

PANEL 2

VIVIAN brings her finger down in the book, which Florence lets fall open at random.

PANEL 3

VIVIAN: (reading from the book) Sam Sciuhen, applied physics major, lives nine point seven miles away.

FLORENCE: Do you think a scientist would be the best choice for magic?

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: (cocking her head) I'm more concerned by the fact that he's onlyseventeen years old.

STRIP 111 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: (on phone, in a sing-song voice) Hello, Sam. This is Vivian. We met at the airport.

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: My friend Florence . . .

PANEL 3

VIVIAN: (looking behind her at FLORENCE, who is frantically waving "no way) . . .

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: (extreme close-up) . . . thinks I should ask you out on a date.

STRIP 112 PANEL 1

At an altar with one black candle, one white candle, and some form of dust in a bowl the color of VIVIAN's robes, VIVIAN is lighting the candles and picking up a pinch of dust.

VIVIAN: I'll pick Sam up in three hours, and since Hera picked him, he'll be an excellent pick for our coven.

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: (admiring her reflection in a crystal ball) I'll feel him out first, to determine the best way to approach him.

PANEL 3

VIVIAN: And if he doesn't want to join at first, well, Hera picked him, so he'll eventually change his mind give proper persuasion. Anything else?

PANEL 4

FLORENCE: (chin on hand, elbow on table, tired look in her eyes) Yeah. You're not going to wear that, are you?

VIVIAN: (the bright color from the background now seems to concentrate around her) What's wrong with my ceremonial robe?

STRIP 113 PANEL 1

In SAM's room at his parents' house, SAM is hanging up the phone, looking very uncomfortable. The phone is red on a brass stand with a hinged glass dome cover. ZOE, a young lady with purple pigtails, dark red skin, and black eyes, pokes SAM in the back.

ZOE: Ooh, Sam's got a date.

SAM: Er, um, ah . . .

PANEL 2

ZOE: Chloe, did you hear? Our little Sammy-wammy has a date!

SAM: (in the background, angry) It's nothing personal, Zoe!

PANEL 3

CHLOE, a young lady with curly cyan hair and magenta skin and eyes, stops doing calculus on a whiteboard and takes off her glasses.

CHLOE: Zoe, can't you put that excellent mind of yours to better use? I need an aerodynamic carapace capable of withstanding 1000 Kelvin.

ZOE: (off screen) When's your date, Sam?

SAM: Um, three hours.

PANEL 4

CHLOE: Well, what arewe waiting for? Let's get you spruced up!

STRIP 114 PANEL 1

Birds'-eye view.

SAM: But I don't care if I makea good impression!

ZOE: You want a second date, don't you?

SAM: Um . . .

CHLOE: You want to make sure the possibility of a second date doesn't reach zero right away, maybe?

SAM: Um . . .

PANEL 2

ZOE: If you're good, I'll help you build that new lab.

PANEL 3

CHLOE: If you cooperate and be normal for a change, at least fora given range of values for 'normal,' I'll . . . um . . .

SAM: (off screen) Eh?

PANEL 4

ZOE shoves CHLOE, who staggers and holds onto the whiteboard, grinning.

CHLOE: I'll hide Zoe's pottery wheel until she finishes your lab.

ZOE: Chloe!

STRIP 115 PANEL 1

ZOE and CHLOE gape at SAM.

PANEL 2

SAM is dressed in a bright green and pink plaid jacket, pink shirt, and green pants.

PANEL 3

ZOE and CHLOE exchange unhappy looks.

PANEL 4

CHLOE: Sam, why don't you let Zoe pick out your outfit? She knows how to color coordinate.

ZOE: You don't want to make children and small animals howl.

STRIP 116 PANEL 1

VIVIAN rings the doorbell.

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: Hi. I'm here to see Sam.

ZOE: Okay, Vivian . . .

PANEL 3

ZOE: First, I need to ask you if your intentions are honorable.

PANEL 4

SAM: (in the background) Zoe!

ZOE: And three forms of ID.

VIVIAN: Blessings be on this house?

STRIP 117 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: (driving a car the same color as her robe) Nice suit.

SAM: Thanks.

PANEL 2

Same panel.

PANEL 3

Same panel. VIVIAN starts to grin.

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: Did you get it from an undertaker or a corpse?

SAM: (getting angry) I didn't pick it out!

STRIP 118 PANEL 1

A restaurant with scattered tables.

PANEL 2

VIVIAN and SAM arrive at the restaurant. VIVIAN has a small purse the same color as her robe.

PANEL 3

DOOLEY, startles, dropps his fork and the food on it and quivers.

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: (voice dripping with malice, face forming shadow, starting to glow the same color as her hair, and eyes turning solid green) You.

STRIP 119 PANEL 1

SAM: (in background) Um, Vivian?

VIVIAN: (eyes still solid, but the glow is all over and getting spiky, so no more shadows. Her tattoo in particular is glowing) You heartless cretin, I'll teach you to abandon my best friend.

PANEL 2

DOOLEY is paralyzed in his chair from fright.

MRS DUGELHOFF: (at table) Dooley! You broke up with that nice girl? What was her name?

MR. DUGELHOFF: (not looking up from his meal) Flavia, I think?

MRS. DUGELHOFF: Flavia? Yes, that sounds right.

PANEL 3

VIVIAN (glow is even spikier, eyes starting to edge towards a white glow. Pointing a finger in accusatory style) By the power invested in me as a priestess of Hera, Queen of the gods and Moon Mother, I smiteyou as you deserve!

PANEL 4

DOOLEY grows donkey ears. General chaos on the part of all. VIVIAN folds her arms and smirks in a satisfied way. MRS. DUGELHOFF clings to DOOLEY's arm while DOOLEY tries to figure out what happened. SAM is not liking his date so far.

STRIP 120 PANEL 1

MR. DUGELHOFF: Witch! Spawn of Satan! Release my son from you spell!

VIVIAN: Pfft. Hee hee ha ha!

PANEL 2

MRS. DUGELHOFF: Dooley, Dooley darling, speak to me!

DOOLEY: (clasping hands to his new ears) What happened? What did she do?

PANEL 3

SAM: (tugging on VIVIAN's sleeve) Um, Vivian . . .

MR. DUGELHOFF: Evil Jezebel! You'll burn for this nights work!

PANEL 4

SAM: Excuse me, sir. Are you saying that a miracle of bioengineering is worthy of punishment? A miracle, really. Yes, a miracle.

STRIP 121 PANEL 1

MR. DUGELHOFF: This witch has the devil in her and must be purged with fire!

SAM: Uh, why?

PANEL 2

MR. DUGELHOFF: The Bible has said "Thous shalt not suffer a witch to live!"

SAM: Uh-huh. And why should I believe the Bible?

PANEL 3

MR. DUGELHOFF: It's the Bibile! The word of God!

SAM: I think your god has to prove himself better than her god before we do any human fire-purging.

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: My goddess.

STRIP 122 PANEL 1

JORDAN is practising her lines in front of a mirror while wearing a silk ducky bathrobe. She is making the OK sign and grimacing while trying to smile.

JORDAN: Uri, you know, I love your new shape. . . . Oh, eggs, this is never going to work.

STRIP 123 PANEL 1

In the background, MR. DUGELHOFF is bent over, gasping for breath, almost having a heart attack or going into apoplexy.

VIVIAN: My goddess created donkey ears on your son. What has your god done lately?

MRS. DUGELHOFF: He created the universe.

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: No, he didn't. MRS. DUGELHOFF: Yes, He did.

PANEL 3

Same panel.

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: No, he didn't. MRS. DUGELHOFF: Yes, He did.

STRIP 124 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: (very snobbish) Your god didn't create the universe. My goddess did.

SAM: Um, Vivian, I never heard that Hera . . .

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: Gaia did, anyway.

PANEL 3

MRS. DUGELHOFF: No! The Good Book says the Lord did!

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: Well, my good book has your phone number, favorite topic of conversation, and realy hair color. Let's see which one can prove it's accurate.

SAM: Um, isn'tthat actually Glenn's book?

STRIP 125 PANEL 1

MRS. DUGELHOFF: (pulling DOOLEY with her as she marches out of the panel) Come, Dooley, you shouldn't associate with such heretics.

MR. DUGELHOFF: (shakinga finger in VIVIAN's face) You'll be hearing from my lawyer and my priest!

PANEL 2

DOOLEY: (leaning back for a last word) No hard feelings, right, Vivian?

VIVIAN: Sure. Come over in a few days and apologize to Florence, and I'll take your new ears off.

PANEL 3

DOOLEY: She did give me second-degree burns with that fireball.

VIVIAN: Oh, yeah. Okay, I'll have her apologize and take your ears off.

PANEL 4

DOOLEY: No, I kind of like them. Very "A Midsummer Night's Dream." But I'm still not joining your coven.

VIVIAN: With those parents, I don't blame you.

STRIP 126 PANEL 1

WAITER #1: (in a tuxedo) If Madame would follow me to her table.

VIVIAN: Madame would.

BENVOLO: (in the background, to WAITER #2) Do you have any job openings?

ROW 2, PANEL 2

Same panel.

WAITER #1: And if - and only if - Madame would refrain from adding animal body parts to our other guests.

VIVIAN: He said he didn't mind! BENVOLO: No, that sounds like too much work.

STRIP 127 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: (taking a seat) Well. What do you want to talk about?

SAM: (already seated) Um . . . on your forehead . . .

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: (rummaging in her very small purse. It's basically a pouch.) It's a tattoo of a labrys, the double-headed axe of ancient Greece. It represents crescent moons back-to-back.

PANEL 3

VIVIAN: (pulling a large, elaborate axe out of her tiny pouch and holding it lovingly) Five thousand years ago, they used it to kill the king every six months so the crops would grow.

PANEL 4

SAM: (flinging himself backwards and tipping over his chair in the process) GAAH!

STRIP 128 PANEL 1

In the restroom.

SAM: (washing his face) Homicidal woman with an axe waiting for me. I wish I knew some good swear words.

PANEL 2

Focus on a narrow window.

SAM: (out of panel) There's an option.

PANEL 3

Back at the table.

VIVIAN: (on the phone) He ran off when I pulled my labrys out of my bag, but he stood up for me after I gave someone donkey ears, so I've got a good feeling. Head him off, will you?

PANEL 4

In an alleyway with cobblestones on the wall, SAM is climbing out the window. He is in a very awkward position, and seeing FLORENCE waiting for him just about gives him a heart attack. FLORECE: (on phone) He's here. Hello, Sam.

STRIP 129 PANEL 1

In a dark alley, with a trash can, FLORENCE confronts SAM.

FLORENCE: You wouldn't be sneaking out on your date, would you, Sam?

SAM: (hugging himself in fear) Uh . . .

FLORENCE: Sticking poor Vivian with the bill?

SAM: She said she'd pay . . .

PANEL 2

Close-up of SAM. FLORENCE: (out of the panel) Why would you do a terrible thing like that?

SAM: (looking acutely uncomfortable) She had this axe . . .

PANEL 3

FLORENCE: (producing a ball of fire in her hand, and lit for a horror movie, grinning and showing teeth) Trust me. There are worse things than axes for you to worry about tonight.

PANEL 4

SAM: (enthused, excited, animated, overdone) Wow! Great! How did you do that!?

FLORENCE: (nonplussed, leaning away) Not the response I was expecting.

STRIP 130 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: We're not letting you get away before we've gotten to the point of the evening.

SAM: Are you going to execute me to make crops grow?

FLORENCE: No!

PANEL 2

SAM: I know I'd be an excellent fertilizer, but I don't want to die.

VIVIAN: We're not farming, and if we were, we'd find other ways of fertilizing. But that's not the point! We just wanted to . . . invite you to join a coven.

PANEL 3

SAM: Um, why me?

FLORENCE: Err . . .

VIVIAN: Hera picked you.

PANEL 4

SAM: That's not crazy enough to be true.

STRIP 131 PANEL 1

SAM: You're not going to sacrifice me to Hera?

VIVIAN: No.

PANEL 2

SAM: But you, uh, want me to worship Hera?

FLORENCE: No.

VIVIAN: Well . . .

FLORENCE: She hasn't managed to convert me yet, and she's been trying for seventeen years.

PANEL 3

SAM: Ummm . . . and if I say I'm not interested?

FLORENCE: Vivian drives you home.

VIVIAN: But . . .

PANEL 4

FLORENCE: And probably follows you around for the rest of your life trying to change your mind.

SAM: Um, Can I see the fireball again?

STRIP 132 PANEL 1

SAM: Um, I'm not allowed to say no?

VIVIAN: No.

FLORENCE: Not as your final answer.

PANEL 2

SAM: Why?

VIVIAN: Because Hera . . .

SAM: No, no, um, I mean, why would I want to? Other than pyrotechnics. Wonderful, wonderful pyrotechnics.

PANEL 3

FLORENCE: I think you want the pyrotechnics badly enough.

SAM: Um, no, I bet I can work out how later. Why else?

PANEL 4

SAM: Better yet, why do you want a coven?

VIVIAN: For the glory of Hera.

FLORENCE: Magic power.

STRIP 133 PANEL 1

VIVIAN: For the glory of Hera!

FLORENCE: Magic power!

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: Hera!

FLORENCE: I think we'd get more people if we didn't focus on the religious conversion and life mangling aspect of it!

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: Hera does not mangle lives! She guides us to a new understanding.

PANEL 4

FLORENCE: (aside to SAM) Trust me. For most people, it'll be about the power.

STRIP 134 PANEL 1

SAM: I'm involved in some complicated research up at the college. I don't think I should take any time away from that.

PANEL 2

SAM: Especially not with something that defies the laws of physics like magic does.

PANEL 3

Beat panel.

PANEL 4

SAM: Um, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." Okay, I'm in.

STRIP 135 PANEL 1

In VIVIAN's car.

FLORENCE: (leaning in the window) Where do we go from here?

VIVIAN: We build up the coven, and then practise.

PANEL 2

FLORENCE: Let's not get too caught up in the religious aspect, okay?

VIVIAN: Well, it's better than being a power-hungry group of arsonists!

FLORENCE: Sam, you're the tie-breaker now. Which do you want?

SAM: Um . . .

PANEL 3

SAM: I think we should research the possibilities and create a solid documentation.

PANEL 4

FLORENCE and VIVIAN glare at SAM.

SAM: (mumbles) Sorry.

STRIP 136 PANEL 1

SAM: (on phone) Hi, Chloe. Um, it was more like a job interview than a date. Communications were a little scrambled when they analyzed their purpose. Still are. Anyway, I've got a new research project. I'll probably need you soon, but I haven't got any numbers yet.

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: Hera!

FLORENCE: Magic!

PANEL 3

SAM: I think it'll be a while before we get any decent tests set up. But I wanted to let you know I'm okay. We just stopped by Florence and Vivian's place to work out some stuff, and now Vivian'll drive me back to Mom and Dad's place.

PANEL 4

SAM: Um, I don't think we'll get any farther tonight.

VIVIAN: Okay. When should we three meet again?

FLORENCE: Magic, but no Macbeth!

END

KANGAROO CAPTURE I

STRIP 137 PANEL 1

URI: (driving, all three tentacles on the wheel, tubes bent back in the wind)Bonjour, mon petit. Je m'appelle Eurynome Elektra Garoldovna.

PANEL 2

GLENN: (eyes closed, arms folded behind his head) Hello, Eurynome. Mind if I call you Uri?

PANEL 3

GLENN: (close-up) Do you want to take the bridge or the tunnel to Australia?

URI: Until they get all the ventilation fixed, the bridge.

PANEL 4

URI: I don't want to get sick and feel all stretched and slimy.

STRIP 138 PANEL 1

Driving in front of a magnificent view of the mountains.

GLENN: Wake me if you see anything interesting.

STRIP 139 PANEL 1

Driving in front of a secluded lake by a waterfall.

GLENN: No, I won't go swimming. Who knows what might have happened upstream?

URI: But Glenn, you're a triton now. You have to swim.

GLENN: Merman-snake, and I'm not getting in that water.

STRIP 140 PANEL 1

Scene: A rocking club in Argentina. Lights are flashing and smoke is rising. Many people dancing, drinking, socializing, and having a generally good time. There is a balcony.

PANEL 2 (second line, second half)

GLENN and URI are outside at night. A BOUNCER stands in front of a lit doorway. URI has one tentacle wrapped around a lamp post; GLENN is trying to tug her towards the door.

URI: No! It's probably crowded and noisy, and I didn't come all this way to try new things!

STRIP 141 PANEL 1

URI and GLENN are rock climbing.

GLENN: Okay, mountain climbing was a good idea. URI: Want to fly down?

PANEL 2 (which also extends to where panels 3 and 4 would be)

GLENN: (jumping, tail streaming behind him) Geronimo!

URI: Aack! Wait! I don't know if I can support your weight!

FILLER

ComiCon doodles. Woman's face and man removing a shoe.

STRIP 142 PANEL 1

URI: Jordan can say what she likes, but there are definite benefits to this shape.

PANEL 2

URI becomes a complicated Celtic knot.

PANEL 3

URI: Okay, this is causing me eyestrain. I'm going to stop staring over the dashboard.

PANEL 4

URI wraps herself around GLENN's head like a turban.

GLENN: (driving) Uri, I can't see!

URI: But I can!

STRIP 143 PANEL 1

GLENN: (with URI still on his head) Uri-blob, are you trying to kill both of us or just me?

PANEL 2

URI: Don't worry, Glenn. It's a straight road, and I'll tell you when to turn. Nothing will go wrong.

PANEL 3

The car goes Putt . . . putt . . . putt . . . Fwoossssshh.

PANEL 4

URI: I don't think we were supposed to be out of gas until the middle half of our jaunt.

GLENN: Middle third.

URI: Middle portion of any fraction.

STRIP 144 PANEL 1

GLENN: Out of gas.

URI: Yeah.

GLENN: Really out of gas. Not pretend out of gas.

URI: In the middle of Guatemala, you forget to fill the tank.

GLENN: You were driving when we crossed the border!

PANEL 2

URI: So, you push and I pull?

ROW 2, PANEL 3

URI has wrapped herself around the car in thin ropes, pulling and steering at the same time, while GLENN uses his greater weight and tail strength to push.

STRIP 145 PANEL 1

At a gas station.

WOMAN: (has a hold of GLENN's collar) Please! You must help me!

PANEL 2

WOMAN: My son is lost! My Benjamin! He ran away! Promise me that if you see him, you'll tell him that his mother loves him!

PANEL 3

GLENN: Ma'am . . .

PANEL 4

GLENN: I just asked if you knew the time!

STRIP 146 PANEL 1

GLENN is driving. URI floats backwards from the front seat.

GLENN: (head turned away) Uri, where are you going?

PANEL 2

GLENN grabs URI before inertia and air friction take her completely away from the car.

GLENN: Uri!

PANEL 3

URI: (focus on one open eye) Zzzzzzzzz . . .

PANEL 4

GLENN: (holding URI tightly clasped to his chest, not holding onto the steering wheel) Oh, right, you have no eyelids.

STRIP 147 PANEL 1

Nighttime, in the car, outside, top still down.

URI: (holding onto the steering wheel with one tentacle to keep from floating away, and half asleep, although with her, who can tell?) Glenn? Glenn, your thousand vertebrae are showing.

GLENN: (off-screen) Hmm? Oh, thanks.

URI: Remind me why you care?

PANEL 2

GLENN: (sprawled over the back seat, the floor of the back seat, and the trunk of the car, with his back bent in a way no human's ever should and holding the end of his tail like a teddy bear, eyes still closed) There are certain aesthetics in normality and achieving the appearance of a healthy human being.

PANEL 3

URI: (off-screen) Half of one, anyway.

GLENN: (opening one eye) Hmm?

PANEL 4

URI: (off-screen) You're only half a man.

GLENN: (stretching further than humanly possible and going back to sleep, albeit smiling) You've been waiting all month to say that, haven't you?

STRIP 148 PANEL 1

Morning. GLENN examines his hair in the rear-view mirror. It is a spiky mess.

GLENN: Aaack! My hair! Bed-head! Hair gel, I need hair gel, stat . . . is there any hair gel in this car?

PANEL 2

GLENN grabs URI, who stretches with inertia. URI squawks indignantly.

PANEL 3

GLENN massages URI into his hair with an expression of satisfied pleasure.

PANEL 4

URI: (rubbing hairs off her tubes with her tentacles and folding in on herself) Glenn Oltero, contrary to whatever expectations you might have, bed hair does not taste good! Ptui! Ptui!

STRIP 149 PANEL 1

In a restaurant, a cheesy diner.

URI: Do you like your chowder?

GLENN: Yes. Very fishish.

PANEL 2

URI: Fishish?

GLENN: Well, 'fishy' means suspicious or worthy of suspicion, so we need another word to mean 'like a fish.'

PANEL 3

URI: Do fish seem suspicious to you?

GLENN: I bet it's related to Frankish 'poisson' being so like 'poison.'

STRIP 150 PANEL 1

Still in the diner.

URI: Do you like your tuna salad?

GLENN: I like it.

URI: Isn't it cannibalism for you to eat fish?

PANEL 2

GLENN: Um. No more than primates eating pig.

PANEL 3

Beat panel. GLENN stares down at his meal.

PANEL 4

GLENN: (pushing his plate and bowl away) I'm not hungry any more.

STRIP 151 PANEL 1

Still in the diner.

GLENN: Aren't you going to eat your blob of slimy green vegetables?

URI: Well, I was making fun of you, but . . . I guess.

PANEL 2

URI raises up above the table so that her entire body looks like a mouth.

PANEL 3

URI descends on her plate, covering it utterly with a GLOOMP.

STRIP 152 PANEL 1

URI: (singing while driving) Zhoomble loomble loomble loomble loomble zhoom.

PANEL 2

URI: Zhoomble loomble loomble loomble loomble zhoom.

PANEL 3

GLENN: (napping in the front seat) Could you please sing something else?

URI: Sure!

PANEL 4

URI: Zhoomble-loomble-bloomble-zhoom-bloom.

STRIP 153 PANEL 1

A two-lane highway on a bridge over water leading to a grean island.

PANEL 2

Bird's-eye view of a highway in the midst of grass. The car taking an off-ramp.

GLENN: Uri, wait! There's the bridge. Where are you going?

PANEL 3

They pass a sign saying CAA Bridge International Resource Center.

GLENN: Not another museum.

URI: But Gle- enn, it's important to our cultural history. Don't you want to expand your education?

PANEL 4:

The sky. All characters are off-screen.

GLENN: I want to get to the out-of-gas part of the road trip. And what culture? It's a three-year- old bridge.

URI: A three-year-old birdge that can be seen from space.

GLENN: Space, schamce.

URI: Place, grace, lace . . .

GLENN: The space where your brain should be is showing.

URI: You're an ace, Glenn.

STRIP 154 PANEL 1

Entering the museum.

GLENN: I just don't see why we should bother with a thousand square feet of bad photography when we've got thousands of miles still to go.

URI: Because it wasn't here last time I was here, and I want to know what they have to say about it.

PANEL 2

URI: Besides, think of all the puns possible. Bridge. Bridgeport. Henry Bridges. It's Chile on the bridge.

GLENN: Uri . . .

PANEL 3

URI: Henry Bridges. The ridge of the bridge is Chile as a fridge.

PANEL 4

URI: Abridged Oxford English Dictionary.

GLENN: Abridging the BOOK? Don't assault my tender ears with such heresy!

STRIP 155 PANEL 1

View of Antarctica, with a red line going from South America to Tasmania to Australia and a shorter detour headed for the South Pole. The text runs off the end.

The Chilean-Antarctica-Australian Bridge was constructed 2005-2007 CE as a means of boosting the South American economy. Made up of ten segments, the longest of which is over 2500 Km (1600 miles), and a 5000 Km (3000 mile) road which crosses the Ross ice shelf. For those wishing to visit the South Pole, the journey is an additional 550 Km (350 miles). The fastest this trip has ever been made is 18 hours, 37 minutes in a speed test by racing driver Pillipe Norris, sponsored by major automobile manufacturer . . .

PANEL 2

Although the safety of a flexible bridge has been called into question, advocates remind us of Incan rope bridges which stand to this day. With 142,572 floats, 2837 pylons, over thirteen billion cubic feet of concrete and one hundred fifty nine million of steel, it is as safe as modern technology can make it.

Bringing the bridge into existence was a long, hard process. The Chilean government was the first to approve the plans. While Australia was reluctant, they were by no means the only nation with a concern. The road crosses eight Antarctic territories, including Victoria, New England, Louisiana, England, Frankry, Germany, Japan, and Australia.

The bridge was shepherded into being by . . .

PANEL 3

Photographs of two young people, one rumpled, grey purple hair, eyes, and skin; the other with red hair, green skin, and cyan eyes.

The CAA bridge was conceived, designed, and promoted by New England architect Ahmed Xastrux and California Architect Uri Van Hayes in response to the Ecuadorian Food Riots of 2003. The bridge would cost almost half a trillion dollars to build and take the labor of 192,017 workers, including the team of scientists who developed the new rubber and carbon fiber able to withstand temperatures as low as -162 C (-260 F), now used on most space craft.

On December 21, 2007, when the bridge opened, over one million spectators from seven continents gathered on Tasmania, Australia, to witness the ribbon-cuttin ceremony. . . .

PANEL 4 (additional GIF)

URI dances from side to side.

URI: They mentioned me!

STRIP 156 PANEL 1

Inside the museum.

URI: They used my name! They used my name! They mentioned me!

GLENN: I thought you changed your name . . .

PANEL 2

GLENN: Well, of course they mentioned you, silly! You only built the largest man-made structure on earth!

PANEL 3

URI: (wrapping one tentacle around GLENN's shoulder and leaning on the other) Technically, the Great Wall of China is longer, wider, and more massive than even the longest leg of the bridge.

PANEL 4

URI: (puffed up with prideful glee) The Antarctica road, however, trumps them all. Hee hee! Gleeble gleeble!

STRIP 157 PANEL 1

URI: (looking around the museum) Gleeble! Ahmed and I are all over this place.

GLENN: (looking uncomfortably behind them) No roller coasters.

PANEL 2

GLENN: (sudden realization that he likes even less) No people.

PANEL 3

GLENN: (hugging himself tightly) Have you noticed this place is completely empty?

URI: (pointing to the next panel) Ooh, I want a picture of that one.

PANEL 4

A small SHRINE with a bronze plaque wreathed in flowers, a lighted candle, and black-and-white photographs of historical events.

URI: (off panel) History of Isla Dawson.

STRIP 158 PANEL 1

URI uses her tentacles to rummage inside her geltinous body.

PANEL 2

URI pulls a camera out of her gelatinous body.

PANEL 3

URI snaps a picture; GLENN looks on queasily.

PANEL 4

GLENN: I woud at least expect it to be covered with your latest meal, wouldn't you?

URI: (with huge, innocent eyes) No. Why should it?

STRIP 159 PANEL 1

URI: (inside the shrine) There was a concentration camp on Isla Dawson in the World War of 1940.

PANEL 2

URI: Not big. Ninety-nine people getting frostbite for eight years.

PANEL 3

GLENN is visibly impressed

URI: We had to reinsulate the buildings we used as headquarters, or we would have frozen, too.

PANEL 4

As URI and GLENN walk off to another exhibit, BLANCA, a colorless, barely apparent ghost with one arm and hand much longer than the other, and no feet, follows.

GLENN: You don't suppose they're haunting this place, do you?

URI: Heehal! Silly Glenn. No one actually died.

STRIP 160 PANEL 1

In a realm of mist and shadow, BLANCA talks with CUSI, a ghost who is very long in shape but similar to BLANCA in color and material.

BLANCA: It warmed us up. I heard it say so.

CUSI: Never seen aything like that before.

PANEL 2

GLENN and URI from a birds-eye view, pointing at another museum display.

CUSI: (from off panel) A merman and a . . . whatever. Probably heathen.

PANEL 3

BLANCA: Maybe it can warm us more. I'm so cold and lonely.

CUSI: Suit yourself. Go if you want to. I'm staying until I'm called home.

PANEL 4

BLANCA: (leaving) Your home is a coffin in Chile. That'll always be chilly. Good-bye!

CUSI: Good riddance!

STRIP 161 PANEL 1

BLANCA is in the background.

GLENN: (exasperated) Yes, Uri, you're the coolest architect on earth, and anyone should be delighted to have you on staff. Now, can we please go?

PANEL 2

On the way out of the museum, BLANCA still following.

GLENN: Are you cool, by the way? I know my body temperature has dropped since I changed.

PANEL 3

Getting in the car.

GLENN: Are you sure you'll be warm enough?I don't want to freeze to death on Antarctica.

BLANCA: (although neither GLENN nor URI can hear her) So much talking about cold. I hope following them is a good idea.

PANEL 4

URI is driving. BLANCA sits between the two seats, with her large arm draped over URI. GLENN is in the passenger seat.

URI: Shouldn't it be getting warmer as it gets closer to noon? It seems clammy all of a sudden.

STRIP 162 PANEL 1

GLENN, URI, and BLANCA in the car, driving across Antarctica. The convertible top is now up.

GLENN: Cold.

URI: Colder outside.

PANEL 2

GLENN: I've gotta goooo.

URI: There'll be a gas station in a hundred miles.

PANEL 3

GLENN: I can't wait.

URI: It'll feeze outside!

PANEL 4

GLENN: You just passed a good rock! Go back!

URI: You don't want it to freeze to you!

STRIP 163 PANEL 1

GLENN is twisted around in his seat, distracting URI. BLANCA huddles her oversized arm to herself, unnerved by the reckless driving. GLENN: Go back! I'll take the risk. It's not illegal, so it can't affect you.

URI: Yeegle.

PANEL 2

URI twists the steering wheel so the car screeeees in a U-turn. A startled Blanca flies right out of the car. GLENN (who isn't wearing his seat belt) hold onto the back of his seat.

PANEL 3

View from outside the car. The road is surrounded by mountains of ice. Blanca floats nearby.

GLENN: Uri, when a guy's gotta go, a guy's gotta go, even at forty below.

PANEL 4

Behind them, flashing lights and a siren startle GLENN and URI.

STRIP 164 PANEL 1

A bearded Antarctic POLICE OFFICER stands outside the car. We see him from the back.

OFFICER: What the . . . What are you?

URI: (reaching out of the car) Here's my license and registration.

PANEL 2

The OFFICER places the documents on his clipboard to examine them while BLANCA reaches for his pencil. He wears an Antarctica badge.

OFFICER: This doesn't seem to match up. I need to you get out of the car, sir . . . ma'am?

PANEL 3

The OFFICER is amazed when the pencil rises out of his hand, seemingly of its own volition. BLANCA is in the background, her large hand in the foreground.

OFFICER: Wha. . . ?

PANEL 4

Bird's-eye view. The OFFICER has dropped clipboard and documentation and is backing away from the floating pencil. The snow stops at the road in a jagged line.

OFFICER: Never mind. Be on your way. I'll just be, um, turning in my resignation. It's too cold to deal with these weird weather patterns!

URI: (leaning out of the car) Mommy?

STRIP 165 PANEL 1

In the car. URI leans glumly on the steering wheel.

PANEL 2

URI: Pulled over on my own road.

PANEL 3

URI: (climbing out of the car and trumpeting) Glenn! How much longer will you be? Let's go!

PANEL 4

GLENN: (unseen behind a mountain of snow and ice) Give me a moment! My plumbing's more complicated now! I've only had a month to try to get used to it!

STRIP 166 PANEL 1

GLENN: (off-panel) Um, Uri, could you come here?

URI: (crawling away from the car) Did you freeze to the rock? I don't really want to help you if you froze to the rock.

PANEL 2

GLENN: (quite disturbed) . . . No. I'm done. But I found something.

PANEL 3

A flag stuck in the snow with a portrait of THE GRANDMA's face on it.

PANEL 4

URI: (goes into shock, freezing stiff like a star) Greeble . . .

STRIP 167 PANEL 1

URI clings to an ice peak, wrapped in on herself and trembling.

GLENN: (off-panel) Uri, she's not here! There's no danger.

PANEL 2

Bird's-eye view of GLENN digging in the snow by THE GRANDMA's flag.

PANEL 3

GLENN's hand sweeping away snow to reveal wood underneath.

GLENN: Um . . .

PANEL 4

Bright red letters are printed on the wood, revealing the partial words, "Dang . . . Explo"

GLENN:Well, danger of nuclear radiation, but she's not going to make you mop the kitchen.

STRIP 168 PANEL 1

GLENN: (At the base of the ice mountain, waving the flag vigorously) Come on, Uri! Face your fear!

PANEL 2

URI, at the peak, quivers and clings tighter.

PANEL 3

GLENN: (letting the flag fall, looking up) Oh, all right. I'll take care of Grandma. Again.

PANEL 4

GLENN: (Putting a thoughtful finger to his lips) Just as soon as we're done with this road trip. And being out of gas. And I've said hello to everyone. And thawed out. And . . .

STRIP 169 PANEL 1

GLENN, BLANCA, and URI are back in the car.

GLENN: (leaning back and ready to sleep again) What now?

URI: I think the engine froze.

PANEL 2

URI: No, my mistake. I'm frozen, and can't turn the key.

PANEL 3

GLENN bites his lip. HE and BLANCA look at URI, who can't look back.

PANEL 4

GLENN is now in the driver's seat.

GLENN: Next road trip, let's stop when we hit the equator.

URI: I hope your tail can still brake us.

GLENN: I got to the car, didn't I?

URI: Barely.

BLANCA: It's nice to knowthis is such a warm-hearted family.

STRIP 170 PANEL 1

Leaving Antarctica, going out on the segmented bridge, penguins behind.

GLENN: Uri, why don't we fly on the way home?

URI: Glenn! What's the point of building eight thousand miles of highway and bridge if you're going to be a traitor and use a plane!?

GLENN: The sea looks like a hot tub. With ice in it. Let's go hot tubbing.

URI: Gle - enn! No getting hypothermia until I can move my tentacles, or I'll never let you use my bridge again!

GLENN: Good! Then I can take a plane!

STRIP 171 PANEL 1

On the bridge, approaching land

PANEL 2

A tollbooth in the middle of the road.

PANEL 3

OFFICIAL IN THE TOLLBOOTH: Passport and driver's license.

PANEL 4

GLENN and BLANCA: Not again!

STRIP 172 PANEL 1

OFFICIAL IN THE TOLLBOOTH: California passports, I see.

GLENN rests his chin on the car door in the background.

PANEL 2

Comparing URI's passport to URI.

OFFICIAL: One of which does not match up to its current owner.

PANEL 3

The OFFICIAL's bored look generates a spurt of interest.

PANEL 4

The OFFICIAL pulls out and prepares a rifle.

OFFICIAL: I'm going to have to call out the National Guard.

URI: (off panel) Drive! Drive!

STRIP 173 PANEL 1

URI and GLENN is by the roadside on the bridge with the sun setting behind them.

GLENN: Okay, so the plan is, we sneak in openly.

PANEL 2

URI: Abandon the car - it's only worth $90,000, and hope we can come back to get it.

GLENN: Your dad would have a heart attack to hear you say that.

PANEL 3

URI: And I build another bridge, to Asia, to escape.

GLENN: Ready? Let's go!

PANEL 4

URI is acting as a paraglider, floating through the air with GLENN hanging underneath.

GLENN: Do you think it might have been easier to just say we have nothing to do with their war with California? 'Cause I do have to get back to classes some month.

FILLER PANEL 1

Abstract watercolor of THE GRANDMA.

CAPTION:
An optimist would claim she's not going to pinch your cheek.
You might even get away with a minimum of slobber.
This is quite common, and not an aspect of The Grandma's evil nature. On the contrary, it is an aspect of the septogenarian's reaction to granchildren.

FILLER PANEL 1

A giraffe with the head of JORDAN kisses Andrei as a chicken on the cheek.

CAPTION:
It's not uncommon for the Bluebird of Happiness to be portrayed as a chicken.
It is unusual for it to be kissed by the Green Giraffetaur of Disbelief.

FILLER PANEL 1

A psychedelic URI imitating a melting watch.

CAPTION:
Running afoul of Dali may only be succeeded in misery by annoying Escher, which can only be made worse by Picasso exacting revenge.

FILLER PANEL 1

GLENN holding his hands up, one of which has been broken down into its basic cylinders.

CAPTION:
A little hand practise, a little perspective, and GLENN could be my first merman-snake magician! I wonder what a palm reader would make of this.

STRIP 174 BACKGROUND

Night, the desert, some really big boulders. Silhouettes to show position: CHLOE and SAM on the boulders, ZOE below, shaping a pot.

PANEL 1

SAM: (fiddling with a rocket set up in an imitation tower)Just a little bit more and then, finally the fuel.

PANEL 2

ZOE (has a pottery wheel set up and is throwing a vase) Make sure you point that thing away from me.

PANEL 3

CHLOE: (looking through a telescope) I think it needs to be another degree north by north east.

SAM: This nut won't go any farther. Zoe, can you give me a number 81?

PANEL 4

ZOE: (whips out a propane torch) Gotcher back. Unless the sherriff comes after you for post-twilight ultralight flight violations.

STRIP 175 BACKGROUND

The rocket soars into the night sky.

PANEL 1

SAM loads a cannister of fuel into the rocket.

PANEL 2

SAM lights the fuse.

PANEL 3

SAM, CHLOE and ZOE stare up at the stars.

CHLOE: Who knows where it's going now? I told you you should have had me calculate the trajectory.

PANEL 4

The rocket vanishing out of sight.

STRIP 176 PANEL 1

The rocket shoots through the atmosphere.

STRIP 177 BACKGROUND

Stars

PANEL 1

ZOE: (not looking up from her pot) I don't think it's returning.

CHLOE: (frantically tapping on a calculator or other computational device) Impossible! I calculated the angle with 99% accuracy. (yes, I know this contradicts the previous statement, but I'm okay leaving them both in anyway if it serves the humor)

ZOE: What about the other one percent possibility of inaccuracy?

PANEL 2

SAM: I'm afraid . . . it's going to land on the other side of the world. So, um, it's gone forever.

ZOE: Gee, you think?

PANEL 3

All gaze off into space. Silhouettes.

PANEL 4

SAM: (looking into the distance with quiet joy) Well . . . I'd say the fuel was a success.

STRIP 178 BACKGROUND

On the other side of the world, daylight. Well, day. The rain. URI is still acting as a floating parachute for GLENN.

PANEL 1

URI: (shakes some frogs off her back) I think we missed the middle of the continent.

GLENN: Why do you say that?

PANEL 2

A terrified puppy and kitten fly past, with more frogs.

URI: Because Australia is mostly desert, and it's raining cats and dogs.

GLENN: (peering off in the distance) Look out. Looks like a rain of fire's coming up fast, too.

PANEL 3

SAM's rocket streacks past them, burning URI and sending them tumbling towards the ground.

URI: AAARRRGH! Ouch, ouch, ouch . . .

GLENN: (folded up inside his tail) Uri, pull up! pull up!

URI: I can't! I can't!

PANEL 4

A few miles away: A were-kangaroo, sometimes albino, sometimes darker, so insane that he can't hold onto either half of his shape for more than a few minutes, with a much more impressive gun than the OFFICIAL IN THE TOLLBOOTH's rifle (think old-fashioned automatic) looks up at the rocket's streak and says to himself -

QUIGLEY: Mount the cavalry! Call out the troops! Sound the alarm! The oppressors are attacking!

STRIP 179 BACKGROUND

Red and yellow rock.

PANEL 1

Sky.

URI: (off-panel) Gloomble. Get off of me.

GLENN: (off-panel) You get off of me.

PANEL 2

URI and GLENN are a tangle of tentacle and tail on the sand.

URI: Umm . . .

PANEL 3

URI: (shrinking one tentacle through a loop of GLENN's tail) Hold still, Glenn, I'm going to . . .

PANEL 4

URI pokes an eye up through the tangle and is confronted by the barrel of a gun.

QUIGLEY: (off-panel) Hold still is right. Freeze, yer poachers! I've got ya surrounded!

STRIP 180 BACKGROUND

Ayres' Rock/Uluru at sunset.

PANEL 1

In front of a red rock, on red sands.

QUIGLEY: (as a kangaroo, holding a large gun on GLENN and URI) This is a fully automatic weapon. It shoots up to 450 rounds a minute. Your chances of surviving it are less than a snow kangaroo in a volcano.

PANEL 2

QUIGLEY: (halfway between kangaroo and human) A frozen snow kangaroo in a 10,000 degree volcano!450 rounds a minute! Gonna freeze you. Burn you.

PANEL 3

QUICLEY: (as human) Burn all kangaroo hunters!Killing us. Trapping us. Shoot you. Fulla holes. Gonna burn, burn, burn!

PANEL 4

BLANCA: Sounds nicely comfortable. I wonder if I should settle down there?

STRIP 181 BACKGROUND

A misty, ghostly universe.

PANEL 1

BLANCA: He doesn't have them surrounded. They have themselves surrounded. There's only one of him.

PANEL 2

BLANCA: Oh, well, I suppose I'd better save them again.

PANEL 3

In a more normal world, QUIGLEY gnashes his teeth in fury.

BLANCA: (to QUIGLEY) Allo? Senor man-kangaroo? Can you hear me? No?

PANEL 4

BLANCA, half in a ghost world and half in a human world, sticks her finger in the gun.

STRIP 182 BACKGROUND

Dark rock.

PANEL 1

BLANCA reaches inside the gun with her long arm.

QUIGLEY: I'm always changing, huh? Makes you queasy just to look at me, doesn't it?

URI: (off screen) Blobble?

QUIGLEY: Shut up!

PANEL 2

BLANCA rips vital components out of the gun and stirs them around with a finger.

QUIGLEY: And . . . the . . . Burn me, what's going on?

PANEL 3

GLENN and URI are mostly untangled.

GLENN: This has been the weirdest trip!

URI: Thank you!

PANEL 4

QUIGLEY discards his gun and goes for the more physical attack of kicking them in his kangaroo shape.

STRIP 183 BACKGROUND

Blurred red and green Uluru.

PANEL 1

GLENN: (trying to ward off QUIGLEY's feet) Hey, no fair kicking!

PANEL 2

QUIGLEY kicks GLENN in the head. GLENN flails, whipping URI about on his tail.

QUIGLEY: (rebounding) Murderers! Trappers!

GLENN: I'm dead, my jaw . . . Stop it, you thing! Don't you have eyes? Don't take it out on us!

PANEL 3

GLENN: (flinging his tail, with URI still on it, at QUIGLEY) If you kick, I'm kicking too! You're dead!

QUIGLEY: (whiskers drooping) Uh . . .

PANEL 4

GLENN batters QUIGLEY with his tail, and URI becomes entangled again with a SPLOOSH.

PANEL 5

URI: (imprisoning QUIGLEY's legs and one arm with her tentacles) Say feeble! Say feeble!

PANEL 6

GLENN: (slithering off) Okay, Uri, you've got your kangaroo now. I'm off to hit the local scene.

URI: (shocked) Meeble?

STRIP 184 BACKGROUND

Striated sunset.

PANEL 1

URI: (eye shooting up) WHAT!?

PANEL 2

GLENN: (briefly looking back) Bye! I'm off to find the hottest place in town.

URI: Wait, Glenn, I didn't mean a sentient kangaroo!

PANEL 3

QUIGLEY: I knew it! I knew it! Murderers! YOu'll all burn!

URI: (still holding him down) Oh, be quiet.

PANEL 4

BLANCA: (floating some distance from QUIGLEY and URI) I must find this volcano.

END

AT AN ARTIFICIAL ANTARCTICA

STRIP 185 BACKGROUND

A living room with couch, tables, lamps, television, speakers.

PANEL 1

JORDAN is slouching on her couch.

CAPTION: Meanwhile . . .

JORDAN: Well, I hope you're happy now.

ANDREI: (turning around) Hey, I still passed all my classes.

PANEL 2

JORDAN: Oh, eggs, Andrei, if you can't shape up, you might as well flunk.

ANDREI: It was important. And I might get a royal commendation, which will look just as good on a resume.

PANEL 3

ANDREI kneels in front of JORDAN, who sits up attentively.

ANDREI: (resting his hands on JORDAN's knee) I told you why I had to go. What's wrong?

PANEL 4

JORDAN: (arching an eyebrow) You know.

STRIP 186 BACKGROUND

Light and bright abstract lines, including a triangle.

PANEL 1

KAMALI: (at the door) Here's your book back, you slug on the daffodils of life.

ANDREI: (holding the door open, taking the book) Not too far above your head, was it, hole in a line?

PANEL 2

JORDAN: (walking past) A real friend wouldn't have let him go to Egypt during finals.

ANDREI looks at her sideways, worried.

PANEL 3

ANDREI: (trying to smile) Now that someone mentions it, I suspect a real friend wouldn't call me a slug, either.

KAMALI: What's her problem?

PANEL 4

ANDREI: (biting his lip and forgetting about the book) I think her biological clock's ticking, and she's annoyed at it because she wants to graduate first.

STRIP 187 BACKGROUND

Swirly and pastel.

PANEL 1

ANDREI: (washing dishes) Jo-oooordaaan. I know what will cheer you up. A vacation!

JORDAN: (drying, taking a plate from ANDREI, not looking at him) You're not getting off the hook for less than Cancun. And we can't afford that.

PANEL 2

ANDREI: (making a point with his finger) But there is somewhere within driving distance where we can get good hotel rooms cheap!

JORDAN: (almost ready to throw the plate) Uuuuuuunnnnnnh! Andrei, I am not in the mood to sleep in my sister's architecture!

PANEL 3

ODEDA: (poking her head around the corner) We're going to Las Vegas? Can I sit in the front seat? I've never sat in a car before. Can I, can I, huh?

PANEL 4

JORDAN: (with an indulgent smile) Well . . .

ANDREI: (wincing, choking on the words) Romantic . . . getaway . . . disappearing . . .

STRIP 188 BACKGROUND

The front of Penguin Palace, a building made of tiled glass and glass representing ice. A giant penguin statue rests out front which holds a plaque announcing "Welcome to Antarctica, Las Vegas!" JORDAN and ANDREI stand in front.

PANEL 1

A little closer up on the swirling entrance to the building. JORDAN and ANDREI each hold a small suitcase.

JORDAN: Well, this is a stupid theme for a casino.

ANDREI: But popular.

PANEL 2

Close up on the backs of their heads.

JORDAN: Las Vegas is a stupid place to come for winter break.

ANDREI: But cheap.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: You're stupid for bringing me here.

ANDREI: But smart.

PANEL 4

JORDAN: Uri was stupid to build this place.

ANDREI: But we'll try to have a good time anyway.

STRIP 189 PANEL 1

Top of a square split diagonally into four triangles.

JORDAN: (looking behind her) Where's Odeda?

PANEL 2

ODEDA: (hiding behind the edge of the left panel, whispering) It's kind of crowded here.

PANEL 3

Right panel.

ANDREI: Yes, Odeda, it's Las Vegas. What did you expect?

PANEL 4

Bottom panel.

ODEDA: (behind a wall) Gambling! Not people!

STRIP 190 BACKGROUND

The icy glitz and sparkle of the inside of an Antarctica-themed casino.

PANEL 1

THEO leans over a craps table, shaking dice in his hand. AMELIA, a woman with yellow hair, black skin, and white eyes, casually plays with his hair.

THEO: C'mon seven!

PANEL 2

THEO stops short, clutching the dice to his heart, and gapes across the room. AMELIA continues to play.

PANEL 3

JORDAN is in the process of turning around.

PANEL 4

THEO: (Lifting AMELIA's hand, almost as if about to kiss it or dance, while ready to escape in the opposite direction) My horizons have suddenly expanded. Amelia, my love, you don't mind if I take a gamble on another woman, do you? Of course you don't. You're such a sure thing that I could never risk you.

STRIP 191 PANEL 1

THEO, running and reaching out. Juggling penguins in the background.

THEO: Jordan, flower of my existence, can you spare a moment for an old chum?

PANEL 2

JORDAN looks.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (clenches her fists, scrunches her eyes, ducks her head, and screams, hair flaring) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

PANEL 4

With AMELIA and JASON behind her, taking up what's left of the panel, JORDAN gives a very fake smile, her hair frazzled. JASON has no hair, green skin, and brown eyes.

JORDAN: Now that's out of my system, who are your friends?

STRIP 192 PANEL 1

THEO: (as if presenting) If you insist. This is Amelia Liubov, my current arm decoration.

PANEL 2

AMELIA is now leaning on ANDREI's arm. ANDREI looks very uncomfortable and about to drop his suitcase. More penguins and a waterfall in the background.

AMELIA: Oh, I just go out with him sometimes when I'm bored with everyone else.

STRIP 193 PANEL 1

THEO: (Pointing a thumb over his shoulder at JASON, who is lurking right behind) And this is Jason.

JORDAN: (on the point of turning away, the hand free of a suitcase forming into a claw, frowning) Just Jason?

THEO: He does tricks. Hey, Jason, what's two plus two?

PANEL 2

JASON: (hands clasped loosely behind him, showing no emotion) Might be four, Mr. Gamen.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: I can't see why you would possibly need a bodyguard.

PANEL 4

THEO: Hey, did I say he was a bodyguard? Did I? Jason, you a bodyguard?

JASON: (half out of the panel) Might be, Mr. Gamen.

JORDAN: (off panel) Two plus two equals four, Mister Gamen.

STRIP 194 PANEL 1

AMELIA is pressing up close to ANDREI, leaning on his shoulder.

ANDREI: Jordan? (Ahem) Jordan? Do you know this guy?

PANEL 2

THEO: (smirking) You must be the great Andrei Leroux.I'm so happy to have brought you back from Egypt.

PANEL 3

AMELIA presses even closer.

ANDREI: (leaning away) Oh, yeah . . . you're Theo.

PANEL 4

THEO: (smirking harder) Really, Jordan, I don't see what's so great about him.

STRIP 195 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (the shadows under her eyes are growing deep; she is tired) I can't believe this. You're flirting with me in front of your girfriend?

PANEL 2

AMELIA: (leaning on Andrei's shoulder) I don't mind. I'll just flirt with Andrei.

ANDREI: Eep! Personal space! Personal space!

PANEL 3

AMELIA: I'm sorry, Andrei. You're right. I shouldn't be touching you without permission. I hope you'll forgive me. I'm a very physical person, but will try to remember your preferences, and respect them.

PANEL 4

JORDAN: (turning her back on THEO) You'd better do the same, or you'll find your liver wrapped around your tonsils.

THEO: (bing!) See, that's why the bodyguard. I always push my luck.

STRIP 196 PANEL 1

THEO: (waving goodbye) Not to cut my losses, Jordan, but you're not high enough stakes to play with for long.

PANEL 2

THEO: (cupping his hands around his mouth to yell) And let me know if you need anything! I'll probably own this place by tomorrow!

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (whirling around in a swirl of green hair) You will own my sister's casino?

PANEL 4

JORDAN bears THEO to the floor, strangling him, while THEO struggles and ANDREI and JASON attemptto restrain JORDAN.

STRIP 197 PANEL 1

The silhouette of JORDAN looking out over the dramatic lights of Las Vegas from behind a curtain.

PANEL 2

On a starry background, no people seen for the rest of the strip.

ANDREI: Good night, Jordan.

JORDAN: Good night, Andrei.

ANDREI: Jordan, you going to sleep tonight?

JORDAN: Probably not.

ANDREI: Make sure you take a key if you go out.

JORDAN: Good night, Andrei.

PANEL 3

ODEDA: Jordan?

JORDAN: Yes, Odeda?

ODEDA: Would you tell me a bedtime story?

JORDAN: About what?

ODEDA: About people.

JORDAN: People, hmm? What do I know about people>

PANEL 4

JORDAN: Once there was a mother who cared very much about her children. But she had to go away, and the children were lonely. One child was very much like the mother, and she didn't want to stay around and be with the family like normal. The other child stayed with the family and took care of the family, but she couldn't. And there needs to be a happy ending. So one day, both children got everything they wanted. The first child left and was never seen again, except perhaps in her mirror. It was a magic mirror, that way. The second child had her mother back, and even if everything wasn't quite the same, they were a family again, and soon, the second child was able to rest.

PANEL 5

ANDREI: Jordan?

JORDAN: Yes, Andrei?

ANDREI: I can't sleep while you're telling bedtime stories.

JORDAN: Good night, Andrei.

STRIP 198 PANEL 1

JORDAN squeezes her eyes shut, as if bracing herself for an unpleasant task.

PANEL 2

JORDAN kisses a sleeping ANDREI.

PANEL 3

In the elevator, JORDAN watches the floor numbers go down.

PANEL 4

On the casino floor, THEO turns to AMELIA.

THEO: Tell me how much of a sucker I am.

AMELIA: You're a sucker, all right.

THEO: Gotta play the rigged game.

AMELIA: I know you want to go, Theo.

THEO: Just want you to know I'm not leaving you casually, you know?

AMELIA: It's pretty obvious, Theo. You're leaving the dice, too.

STRIP 199 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (to herself, walking in front of a fountain on the Las Vegas Strip) I could walk forever.

PANEL 2

THEO: (off screen) Oh, Emerald-haired Pe-earl!

JORDAN: (pinching the bridge of her nose with aggravation) Eggs, no, no, not again, not now, not now!

PANEL 3

THEO: (waving hello) Were you by any chance seeking me out?

JORDAN: (pointing accusingly) I want you out of my life and out of my sister's casino!

THEO: Right. Right. Change of strategy. What'll you give me to stay away?

PANEL 4

Nose-to-nose.

JORDAN: Give you?

THEO: (grinning like mad) I'm a financier. You want something from my. It's a seller's market, and I've got a monopoly. Of course, there is something I want from you . . . somethng traditional . . . under the circumstances you might consider . . . I almost hate to mention it . . .

PANEL 5

A very spiky panel outline. We see only JORDAN's eyes, which are so shadowed, exhausted, and stressed as to be nearly two black eyes.

JORDAN: Theo, you are about to regret leaving your body guard behind!

PANEL 6

THEO: (shrugging self-deprecatingly, still grinning) My only regret would be to have my body guarded from you.

STRIP 200 PANEL 1

JORDAN: (looking almost mild) On a scale of one to ten, voluntarily touching you would be an eleven in aggravation. But spending any more time with you than I have to is a fifty. So . . .

THEO: (grinning harder than ever as he waits to see how this hand plays out) Yes? Yes?

PANEL 2

JORDAN: Obviously, there is only one solutionto this problem.

PANEL 3

JORDAN, blank-faced, attempts to strangle THEO again.

PANEL 4

To THEO's everlasting puzzlement, JORDAN collapses mid-strangle across him. She seems otherwise fine - in fact, she's snoring.

STRIP 201 PANEL 1

ODEDA, brushing her teeth, hear a knock on the hotel room door.

PANEL 2

ANDREI opens the door to admit THEO, who is carrying a slumbering JORDAN.

THEO: She fell asleep on my shoulder.

ANDREI: Oops! Yeah, she does that. Jordan doesn't sleep well, so she keeps going till she drops. You can put her on the bed.

PANEL 3

ODEDA is still in the bathroom. JORDAN is neatly tucked in.

ANDREI: Er, thank you for bringing her back.

THEO: Nice room.

ANDREI: They keep one for the architect, and Uri gave Jordan the pass codes. Did she fall asleep in the middle of a word? It's really funny when she does that.

THEO: Yeah, something like that.

PANEL 4

ANDREI: So.

THEO: (fixing his collar) So.

ANDREI: So . . . want a drink?

THEO: Got a deck of cards?

STRIP 202 PANEL 1

In four squares, a close up on one of JORDAN's eyes. First, sleeping. Second, cracking open. Third, blinking the sleep away. Fourth, open and angry.

PANEL 2

ANDREI chortles behind a hand as THEO stares at his cards in disbelief.

ODEDA: I see your twenty and raise you fifty.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (flings back the covers and leaps out of bed) You're teaching Odeda poker!? She's only fourteen! Andrei, how could you? Odeda, put that down! Theo, I want all money returned immediately!

PANEL 4

THEO: Oh, thank luck! Odeda, I swear I'll figure out how you're cheating.

ODEDA: Can I help it if I'm good with cards?

STRIP 203 PANEL 1

ANDREI: Jordan, wait . . .

JORDAN: (off panel) If he doesn't leave, I'm . . .

Door slams.

ANDREI: (looking unhappy) But Jordan . . .

PANEL 2

ANDREI: Maybe later.

THEO: Your deal?

ANDREI: I think not.

THEO: Then let's talk finance.

PANEL 3

ANDREI: Sorry, I'm already invested with Jordan's father.

THEO: Her . . . father.

ANDREI: It's all supply and demand and bedgeting and stuff with him.

PANEL 4

THEO: Sounds like a Van Hayesian to me. Disreputable bunch. My way is much more fun. Listen . . .

STRIP 204 PANEL 1

FEMALE VICE PRESIDENT: (sitting at a desk with the plaque "VP of PR") I'm sorry, Mis Van Hayes, I can't help you there. Have you tried the office of accounting?

PANEL 2

MALE VICE PRESIDENT: (sitting at a desk with the plaque "VP of Acct") Miss Van Hayes, I am unaware of any plans to sell this casino. The executive office would bethe first to hear of that.

PANEL 3

MALE SECRETARY: (sitting at a desk with the plaque "Sec'y of EO") I'm sorry, our president is not in today. Perhaps public relations may be able to tell you more.

PANEL 4

JORDAN stalks way from the final office, tired of being sent in circles.

STRIP 205 PANEL 1

10:00 AM.

ANDREI: (passing JORDAN in the hall, turns to raise a finger and a point) Jordan, wait!

JORDAN: (stalking still) Don't bother me, I'm thinking.

PANEL 2

12 Noon.

THEO: (sees JORDAN in another hallway) Hey, Jordan!

JORDAN: (heading away) I never want to see your face again!

PANEL 3

2:00 PM.

ANDREI: (waving quickly) Jordan! Nice-to-see-you-again-so-briefly-I'm-glad-we-had-this-discussion!

PANEL 4

4:00 PM. Hiding under the stairs, giving ODEDA instructions.

ANDREI: . . . and if she doesn't stop when you ambush her, pretend to fall own the stairs.

THEO: (relaxing back) But don't really get hurt or I'll probably wind up strangled to death again.

ANDREI: Well, break a leg!

STRIP 206 PANEL 1

JORDAN: Odeda, I'm busy.

ODEDA: (filling up the whole panel) Jordan, I'm scared.

PANEL 2

ODEADA: (off panel, as JORDAN looks sad and guilty) There's so many humans, and they all keep staring. I don't know what to do.

PANEL 3

JORDAN: (with new resolution) Well, I do. The managers in this place aren't listening to me. Get your stuff. Andrei can ask his irritating new little friend for a ride. Let's drive you home.

PANEL 4

THEO: That went well. Get Odeda to make her talk to us, and everything is cleared up.

ANDREI: (sadly) All I wanted to do was propose. Alone. And it all went wrong. She's never going to speak to me again. Because of you!

THEO: Easy. No strangling of your potential chauffeur!

STRIP 207 PANEL 1

Birds'-eye view of a white limousine trundling across the country.

ANDREI: You weren't kidding about the chauffeur.

PANEL 2

AMELIA is reading a magazine. THEO is relaxed. ANDREI: But isn't it unusual to have a bodyguard drive, too?

PANEL 3

JASON: (up front) I do whatever's needed.

PANEL 4

THEO: I gave Jason a cushy job as a thank you, but he likes to feel useful. I mean, look at him. He's a born bully who never bullied.

ANDREI: (off-panel) Not that you were ever bullied.

THEO: No, I owned my schools.

ANDREI: Thought not.

STRIP 208 PANEL 1

THEO: The Grandma is a menace, but she can be useful at times. My dad used to work for her.

PANEL 2

ANDREI: So is he someone who still admires her, or does he see her for what she really is?

THEO: I think you can bet the split is pretty much permanent.

ANDREI: Jordan's still living in a magic land where everyone does good, is sensible, and respons to logic.

PANEL 3

THEO: That's what makes my plan so perfect.

PANEL 4

AMELIA: (not looking up from her magazine) I don't think Uri'll be very happy.

ANDREI: Uri can get lost in the Australian outback for all I care.

STRIP 209 PANEL 1

THEO: See, my father told me that , when he worked for the California Intelligence Bureau, The Grandma could never resist the chance to meddle.

PANEL 2

THEO: Which was pretty terrible, because her job was all about delegation. But anyway, Jordan loves The Grandma. She probably loves it when The Grandma meddles in her life.

ANDREI: Not really, but it gives her an excuse notto think about "family matters," so yeah. Go on with the plan.

PANEL 3

THEO: So she stops strangling me, the casino stays in the family, she has nothing else to think about, and that's when you step in with the perfect problem to occupy her mind, and she'll love you for it. And if my plan works, I'll collect a favor later.

PANEL 4

AMELIA: And when she finds out about the favor, her attention goes back on you, where you want it?

THEO: Amelia, hush.

AMELIA: Masochist.

STRIP 210 PANEL 1

THEO: Let me handle The Grandma. I'm good at convincing people, while you and she have a . . . history.

PANEL 2

ANDREI: . . . yeah. If it weren't for that stupid experimental project number 13-Lambda-XTG-Bleach, Glenn's mother would still be alive, The Grandma would still be director of the California Intelligence Bureau, I would never have gone to Egypt or any of the other things I did to protect the world from her, and Jordan wouldn't be mad at me now.

PANEL 3

THEO: I'm sure it all worked out for the best.

PANEL 4

ANDREI, AMELIA, and JASON all stare at THEO in disbelief.

STRIP 211 PANEL 1

Arriving at the first home in California, Theo and Amelia get out of the car.

THEO: Hey, yeah, Amelia, I had a good time. Lots of luck. Except for the getting strangled bit.

PANEL 2

AMELIA: (gives THEO a kiss on the cheek) You're sweet.

THEO: Well . . .

PANEL 3

THEO: Here's cash for your babysitter. Let me know next time you need a vacation.

PANEL 4

ANDREI: (still in limo) Hmm. Paid escort.

STRIP 212 PANEL 1

That night, JORDAN hangs up her coat on the coatrack.

ANDREI: (holding a spaghetti spoon) Hey, sweetie. Is pasta okay for dinner?

JORDAN: Oh, Andrei. I was just helping Grandma out, and she started in on you. Said you were shiftless and crude and would probably beat me to a pulp before leaving me for a younger woman, and I started thinking that anyone she's that prejudiced against can't be all bad. Grandma is a little blind about people, you know.

ANDREI: I know, all right. (Unlike some people.)

PANEL 2

ANDREI: (holding out a tiny purple box) I had a ring made. It's why I wanted to go away. Jordan, I formally ask: will you promise to get engaged to me as soon as we finish college? I had a fellow in the chem lab cook it up, so there's no overworked, underpaid diamond mine labour in it.

PANEL 3

They hug, merging into one being. Aww!

PANEL 4

ANDREI: (whirling JORDAN in a circle) The guy who made the diamond was one of the people I was in Egypt with. So, uh . . . ?

JORDAN: (admiring the ring on her finger) Andrei, ability to make diamonds is not a quality in a friend that overrides your best interests. Although it does look good on my hand.

ANDREI: Well, he included a few tricks, like if you turn the stone clockwise a bit, it's a flashlight.

JORDAN: Like this?

PANEL 5

The rocket-ring takes off, zig-zagging JORDAN across the room.

JORDAN: Aaaaaaaaaaaaandrei!

STRIP 213 PANEL 1

A tad further north.

THEO: . . . so you can see why keeping it in the family might be a good thing. After all, don't we all need a bit of glitz, glitter, and gambling in our lives?

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA: (steepling her fingers) Tell me, young man, why should I listen to you?

END

KANGAROO CAPTURE II

STRIP 214 PANEL 1

Meanwhile, all across Australia . . . Outside the enterprise "Sudz of Sydney."

PANEL 2

Inside same, GLENN is entertaining a trio at the bar.

PANEL 3

Outside "Perth Pub."

PANEL 4

Inside, GLENN accompanies his own singing on a guitar.

PANEL 5

Outside "Y Not?"

PANEL 6

Just inside the door, GLENN surveys the newest establishment with satisfaction.

STRIP 215 PANEL 1

ULYSSES: (stretching his quads) Why do you come in here and assume everyone will want to listen to your stupid songs?

GLENN: Past experience. Past experience. Someone always lends me a stringed instrument. Most people will exchange phone numbers. I go from there.

PANEL 2

ULYSSES: You're from North America, aren't you? You aren't Californian, are you?

GLENN: Ummm, I was born right in the middle of Louisiana. Kansas City, in fact.

PANEL 3

ULYSSES: And what's up with your tail? Are you a fish? You aren't diseased or anything, are you? I catch things very easily.

GLENN: I'm healthy as an ocean.

PANEL 4

ULYSSES: You know there are millions of bacteria in every drop of ocean water, don't you? Ugh, I can't stand them. Blobby slimy infestations.

GLENN: I was hoping you didn't. You know what? Let me introduce you to my cousin. She . . . uh . . .knows a bit about biology. But she's completely normal. Not blobby or slimy in any way.

STRIP 216 PANEL 1

GLENN: (strolling {or slithering} outside with an arm around Ulysses's shoulders) Hold on while I find transportation.

PANEL 2

GLENN peeks around the corner.

PANEL 3

GLENN: (sees a fancy police car) Aaaaaahhh.

PANEL 4

GLENN: (hotwiring the police car) My best job yet.

STRIP 217 PANEL 1

URI: (still has QUIGLEY in an arm-lock) I can deal with this. I'm capable. One of the most capable people in the world. I can do earth-shattering things all by myself. But . . .

PANEL 2

URI: (shouting, in tears) WHY DOES EVERYBODY LEAVE ME!?

QUIGLEY: Maybe because you're all wet? You need drying off.

PANEL 3

QUIGLEY: (rolling over and slamming URI with the heel of his hand) Hah! And I know just the place to provide the heat! Burn, fiend! The only people as slimy as you are government! I'll show you what I do with people like you!

PANEL 4

QUIGLEY grabs URI and tries to squeeze, but she SQUIRTs out of his arms,

URI: (joyously) Freeble!

STRIP 218 PANEL 1

URI: (peking from behind a rock) What's the weirdest thing to do in this situation?

PANEL 2

QUIGLEY: Kangaroo killer! You came here just to harm innocent creatures, run them over, poison us!

PANEL 3

QUIGLEY: You slimy politician! You'll burn, hear me? Burn! You'll see what happens to farmers who set traps for kangaroos!

PANEL 4

URI: He's weirder than me. This will never do. But how do I outdo him without descending into complete nonsense?

STRIP 219 BACKGROUND

A police car

PANEL 1

ULYSSES: (leaning back in the passenger seat, no seatbelt) And when I was fourteen, I had a could so bad, it turned into pneumonia.

GLENN: (from panel 2) You seem perfectly healthy now.

PANEL 2

ULYSSES: (from panel one, though sitting in panel 2, too) I dance. The rhythmic jarring scares bacteria away.

GLENN is driving and not wearing a seatbelt.

PANEL 3

ULYSSES: Is this cousin of yours really all that?

PANEL 4

GLENN: Uri's cool. Once, when I was fourteen, she actually dressed up as Alexander the Great and took me to Alaska for help with a school report on him. Only it turns out, she didn't ask anyone before we left, so . . .

STRIP 220 PANEL 1

URI: (hugging her hiding rock) Okay. Hi, my name's Uri. What's yours?

QUIGLY: (slouching on his haunches) I am a murderer.

URI: Yes. Murderer. I think the gun might have given me a hint. Do you have a name? Or are names merely a tool of your burning politicians who talks to much and have too much time on their hands?

PANEL 2

QUIGLEY: (collapsed into a fetal position, one arm guarding his head) I AM A MURDERER!

URI: (approaches and touches QUIGLEY with the tip of a tentacle) Whibble? Then, then, there, there, there, can't you control yourself? Calm down. There's nothing to be frightened of.

PANEL 3

A police car speeds onto the red desert.

URI: (off panel) Oh, zhoomble.

STRIP 221 BACKGROUND

A slimy green mess with diamond panels.

PANEL 1

ULYSSES and GLENN get out of the stolen police car.

GLENN: They're around here somewhere . . .

PANEL 2

QUIGLEY in fetal position. ULYSSES: (off panel) Oh, old Quigley. He used to be a farmer who set a lot of kangaroo traps. Now he's famous for being a kangaroo half the time. The weather, you know. Not sanitary. Or sane.

PANEL 3

GLENN: Okay, and please don't hate me . . .

PANEL 4

URI. GLENN: . . . but that's Uri.

STRIP 222 PANEL 1

GLENN: (looking to the distance) Ulysses, come back! Really, she's coated with antiseptic slime!

URI: Glenn! Thank gleeble you're not someone who's bringing more guns to bear on me. But . . .

PANEL 2

URI circles the police car.

PANEL 3

URI continue to examine the police car.

PANEL 4

URI: (folding her tentacles angrily) You stole another police car, didn't you.

STRIP 223 BACKGROUND

Sand, the background replaces panel 3.

PANEL 1

GLENN: (frowning guiltily) Yes, I stole another police car. So? It's not as if anyone was using it. The police abandoned it, and the taxpayers weren't getting their fair share. I needed a ride. Would you rather I stole a civilian's car? Anyway, it was getting dark. And the colors reminded me of you.

URI: Glenn, just wait.

PANEL 2

GLENN watches URI fly into the air.

PANEL 3

Bird's eye view, URI in the foreground, a fleet of identical police cars and military tanks on the ground.

URI: They have a trace in that car.

STRIP 224 BACKGROUND

Neon abstract circles.

PANEL 1

URI: (flying back to head height) One might almost feel tempted to be annoyed at you, Glenn Eaurage Oltero.

PANEL 2

GLENN: (shrugs) What? I'll just . . .

PANEL 3

GLENN: (confuzzled) Uuuhhh . . .

PANEL 4

GLENN: (hanging his head) They're not likely to listen long enough for me to talk them out of it, are they?

URI: Not to a Californian, Glenn.

STRIP 225 BACKGROUND

The police car.

PANEL 1

URI: (ducking and covering on the ground by GLENN's tail) We have time before they arrest us. Do you want to try to run away?

GLENN: (from panel 2) We do have a car.

URI: Which is how they're tracking us.

GLENN: We could get lost in the desert. And probably die. Or we could fly away.

URI: They brought tanks.

PANEL 2

GLENN: Okay, we'd die that way, too. So, how should we spend our last minutes of freedom on this earth?

PANEL 3

GLENN pauses as he hears a selfish little jingle.

PANEL 4

URI: Yes, I'll have a headache while you have a ten-hour conversation.

GLENN: (hands buried in URI, hunting through the slime) Come on, where's my phone?

STRIP 226 PANEL 1

King Rudolph Valentino the Third is speaking into a headset, standing in front of purple stained glass. He has green hair, red skin, heavily kohled grey eyes, and is wearing a military uniform. KING RUDOLPH: Hello, Glenn, this is Rudolph Valentino III.

GLENN: (over the phone) Oh, hello, your Majesty.

PANEL 2

KING RUDOLPH: (over the phone) Sorry to cut the chit-chat, but I have another ransom note from your grandmother.

GLENN: Oooh. Tough. I'm stuck in Australia.

PANEL 3

KING RUDOLPH: (over the phone) This is actually rather important, Glenn. She's got my daughter this time.

GLENN: Well, I'm out of gas, and you can't send a plane without violating the disarmament treaty.

PANEL 4

KING RUDOLPH: But, Glenn, I need you!

GLENN: (over the phone) All right, all right! I'll call around. There's got to be someone who can do the job.

PANEL 5

KING RUDOLPH: Thanks bunches! Gotta run, there's a photography shooting in five. Ciao!

PANEL 6

URI: This is why you shouldn't have given away your phone book.

GLENN: This is why a cinematic aristocracy is going to flush the world down the drain.

STRIP 227 PANEL 1

URI: Should we stop being out of gas?

PANEL 2

GLENN: (dialing) No, I know who to call. She's very diplomatic, and will get along great with Aunt Cecilia.

PANEL 3

GLENN: Hello,

PANEL 4

GLENN: (as Vivian answers the phone) , Vivian?

END

AND THRICE TO MINE

STRIP 228 BACKGROUND

PANEL 1

GLENN: (into his phone) So the king and the princess need my family's help, and Aunt Cecilia's the only one available. And she's got this . . . little problem, you know?

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: (apparently owns a rotary phone) Don't worry, Glenn. I can deal with it. I think Florence can, too.

PANEL 3

GLENN: (ducking bullets) Really? That's great!

PANEL 4

VIVIAN: (leaning against a wall) Tell me about it. Last time I mentioned alcohol, she kept me awake all night by clanking chains in the street.

GLENN: (over phone) My sympathies.

STRIP 229 BACKGROUND

Painting of Hercules for which the cartoonist is still hunting the source.

PANEL 1

MARIGOLD BLAIR, with white hair, red skin, black eyes, and a green tattoo of a Medusa's head, is sitting in an armchair gesticulating with the wrong end of her pipe. CHLOE, ZOE, and SAM are seated on the floor around her. ZOE is drawing. VIVIAN walks into the room.

GRANNY MARIGOLD: . . . And that was Hercules's thirteenth labour.

PANEL 2

GRANNY MARIGOLD: (As VIVIAN kisses her) Well! Your goddess must be smiling on you, child.

VIVIAN: I hope I'm exactly like you when I'm ninety-one.

PANEL 3

VIVAN: (hands on hips, beaming with pride) . . . But! We have a mission!

PANEL 4

FLORENCE: Will there be dragons?

VIVIAN: A Grandma.

FLORENCE: Ooh. Even better.

STRIP 230 PANEL 1

SAM: Umm . . . (thinking) Can't The Grandma stay harmless for just a little while? Is that so much to ask? Why does she have to go off with these insane strategies to do nothing much at all, when she knows that even if we don't stop her, the king of California can call out the cinematic guard and have her jailed for life? And am I even sure I want to get involved?

PANEL 2

ZOE: Sam just had to deal with The Grandma. He shoudl stay home this time.

SAM: Now wait a minute . . .

PANEL 3

CHLOE: Don't worry, Sam. We'll take care of you.

Zoe: Aww, Sammy, don't you worry about a thing.

PANEL 4

SAM: (angry) What if I want to go!? You can't make all my decisions for me!

PANEL 5

CHLOE and ZOE exchange a glance.

PANEL 6

CHLOE and ZOE: Okay.

STRIP 231 PANEL 1

In a large warehouse full of shelving and pallets, THE GRANDMA speaks to a camera, while GUY-IN-A-TIE films and BENVOLO shows up out of nowhere.

THE GRANDMA: And if you do not give in to my demands . . .

BENVOLO: Excuse me. Do you have any jobs for an out-of-work actor?

THE GRANDMA: Not for you. How dar you interrupt?

PANEL 2

GUY-IN-A-TIE: Trust me, kid, you're well out of it.

BENVOLO: But I'd be perfect for this role!

GUY-IN-A-TIE: All right, star of perfection, time for Operation "In One Shot," take two.

THE GRANDMA: . . . And if you do not give in to my demands . . .

STRIP 232 PANEL 1

In a large hall, children in grey jumpsuits chase, a teacher counsels a student, and Florence lunges with a foil.

CHLOE: Your family's place has an awful lot of people.

VIVIAN:We have a hundred sixty-nine people here. And that's not even counting the other twelve buildings in the complex. So, yeah, it's sometimes . . . a bit overcrowded.

PANEL 2

ZOE: Well, gee, why would you ever want to move out of a place like this?

PANEL 3

FLORENCE: (eyes sparkling) That's what I keep asking!

STRIP 233 PANEL 1

THEO speaks into a phone with earbud. The conversation takes place across panels.

BENVOLO: Hello, The Grandma's secret lair, employee who isn't paid enough to continue working tomorrow speaking.

THEO: I called for directions. I have an appointment to discuss the purchase of a casino.

BENVOLO: I'm not allowed to give out directions on the phone, because the CIB taps the lines, but if you'll go to www.thegrandma.gov, there's a map. If you have the ability to sense movie production like me, it should help, because they're working on take 42 of Operation One-Shot.

THEO: Would I be interrupting anything? Is it a big production?

BENVOLO: Hardly. They wouldn't use me.

PANEL 2

BENVOLO speaks into a phone. He doesn't stop shiling with all the teeth he can must just because he is unobserved.

STRIP 234 BACKGROUND

The warehouse with inverted colors.

PANEL 1

THE GRANDMA: . . . and if you do not give in to my demands, I shall feed Elizabeth Valentino to some piranha.

PANEL 2

GUY-IN-A-TIE: (squinting into a camera) End live broadcast, glamorous rose of the desert.

PANEL 3

BETH VALENTINO, with magenta skin, green hair, and grey eyes, is wrapped shoulders-to-knees with rope and hanging upside-down.

BETH: There aren't really piranha, are there?

THE GRANDMA: No, dear, they got soaped.

PANEL 4

BETH: I bet that's another term for concrete shoes, right?

THE GRANDMA: In a manner of speaking. I accidentally release ten thousand gallons of toxic lye and ashes into their tank, killing them but freeing me from obligation.

PANEL 5

Beat panel.

PANEL 6

BETH: Can you let me go now?

STRIP 235 PANEL 1

BETH: No, really, all the blood's going to my head. Can you let me down?

THE GRANDMA: (closing her body language) No, dear, it's traditional.

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA: (cue dramatic lighting) And when I have gained control of the banana plantations of Ouish-kan-du, it will be the first step in controlling the world! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

PANEL 3

Beat panel. BETH bites her lower lip. THE GRANDMA looks away, holding her heart.

PANEL 4

THE GRANDMA: Note to self: laugh with more control.

GUY-IN-A-TIE: Munificent one, you didn't sound nearly as insane as you sounded, really!

BETH: No, really, it's very bad for my constitution!

STRIP 236 BACKGROUND

PANEL 1

URI is before a panel of solemn, suited people.

CONGRESSWOMAN 1: The Hegemony of Australia vs. Uri Van Hayes is now in session.

URI: But I built you bridge! Don't you remember me? I led the fundraising right here in this room for a bridge that almost doubled your economy!

PANEL 2

CONGRESSMAN 1: The tacky influx of tourists is not what I would call a benefit.

CONGRESSWOMAN 2: And this obviously stolen identification proves it's from California.

CONGRESSWOMAN 3: A clear instance of biological warfare!

PANEL 3

ULYSSES: (seated at the defendant's bench with URI) Don't let it near me! I get sick easily!

CONGRESSMAN 2: Not to worry, Mr. Isa. Your part in this affair will be decided separately.

PANEL 4

CONGRESSWOMAN 1: I think, under the circumstances, we don't need to worry about human rights violations.

URI goes angular in fear.

STRIP 237 PANEL 1

KING RUDOLPH: (smoothing his hair, to Prince Upton, a mummy) How's my hair? Well, I guess if you haven't seen hair in thirteen thousand years, you wouldn't know.

PANEL 2

NEWS ANCHOR: This is a special announcement from the king of California.

PANEL 3

KING RUDOLPH: Hello, humble worshippers, it is I, Rudolph Valentino III. Those wallaby-eating Aussies have taken one of our greatest subjects captive. And possibly my daughter. Our allies, the Las Vegans, declare a buoycott where they will no longer eat Aussie meat. I will now take questions.

PANEL 4

A rainbow forest of hands shoots up.

KING RUDOLPH: . . . and no questions about my hair!

PANEL 5

All the hands go down.

PANEL 6

NEWS ANCHOR: In weather, the biological disturbance known as Indira Pillan seems to be playing havoc with our beloved monarch's hair.

STRIP 238 PANEL 1

SERVICE EMPLOYEE: (from an order window) Would you like fries with that?

VIVIAN: (from the car) Would you like coven membership with our custom?

PANEL 2

The SERVICE EMPLOYEE slams the window shut.

PANEL 3

Inside the car are ZOE, CHLOE, and SAM in the back seat, and FLORENCE, CECILIA, and VIVIAN in front. VIVIAN is driving.

CECILIA: Vivian, have you ever thought you might get more results witha softer sell?

STRIP 239 PANEL 1

The people sitting in the car are overlaid on a bird's eye view of the car driving down a road.

ZOE: Are we there yet?

CHLOE: Do you mean, have we arrived in Sacramento when we left LA less than half an hour ago and stopped for supplies and attempted to recruit more people into an already overcrowded car? Figure it out yourself. . . . thirteen point pi miles.

SAM: Um . . .

ZOE: Are we there yet?

FLORENCE: Verily, milady, thou becomest repetitious. Wouldst thou favora closer acquaintance with large balls of fire?

CECILIA: She sounds so much like my daughters when they were four years old.

VIVIAN: Holy Hera, Florence, do whatever you need to shut her up.

STRIP 240 PANEL 1

FLORENCE: So crowded. I wish I'd brought my horse. This would have been perfect. Charging in wearing full armor and carrying a lance to rescue a genuine princess, instead of Renaissance Faire tourists again.

VIVIAN: I'm just glad we're finally doing something as a coven . . . with you, of course, Cecilia . . . instead of more of Sam's electromagnetic fireballs. I hope nothing goes wrong.

PANEL 2

GRANNY MARIGOLD: (elsewhere) Oh, my goddess, she forgot her . . .

PANEL 3

GRANNY MARIGOLD: (brandishing something that looks rather like a red and grey magic wand) thermometer! Foolish child.

STRIP 241 PANEL 1

The car drives past a sky on fire with sparkles.

FLORENCE: Wake me if you see anything interesting.

VIVIAN: Florence, if you don't see the wonder in this weather, it's no wonder it took you twenty years to manifest fire.

STRIP 242 BACKGROUND

Dark cubes.

PANEL 1

Six adventureres in the parking lot outside a huge warehouse emblazoned with THE GRANDMA's face.

PANEL 2

VIVIAN: Okay, now, I want to try borrowing power from all of you. Even though it's a delicate spell, mind control is the easiest way of getting The Grandma to release the princess and let us all go safely.

PANEL 3

CECILIA: (frowning and folding her arms) Ethical considerations aside . . .

VIVIAN: Yes, exactly.

FLORENCE happily practises creating fire between her hands.

PANEL 4

ZOE: How do we get inside?

STRIP 243 BACKGROUND

Bust of CECILIA.

PANEL 1

In THE GRANDMA's office.

THEO: (pointing at documents) So you see, in the cost-benefit analysis . . .

GUY-IN-A-TIE: (rushing into the room) Great mistress . . .

THE GRANDMA: Less slave-talk, minion, if you please.

PANEL 2

GUY-IN-A-TIE: (hands prayer-like) Humblest apologies, oh holder of thousands of lives, but I think your daughter is here.

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA: (frowning angrily) Hmmmmmmmm.

PANEL 4

THE GRANDMA: (beaming) She finally came to visit!

STRIP 244 PANEL 1

THEO sitting, arms crossed, jiggling a foot, lips pinched. Jason standing professionally.

PANEL 2

THEO: No one keeps me standing. Come on, Jason.

PANEL 3

THEO glances down a long hall at an exit.

PANEL 4

THEO: (heading the opposite direction) Let's look for some bargaining leverage.

STRIP 245 BACKGROUND

Bird's eye view of red and green cityscape.

PANEL 1

Bright light, no characters.

CECILIA: Is it supposed to work like this?

VIVIAN: Well, um . . .

SAM: "Um" is my line, Vivian.

PANEL 2

Bright light.

VIVIAN: Obviously, I'm drawing extra power from all of you. As members of a united coven, we can pool resources, and I can direct those resources in the manner which I see fit.

CHLOE: I hardly perceive it as obvious, Vivian.

VIVIAN: I've been doing this for my entire life, Chloe. What do you know about magic?

PANEL 3

Bright light.

SAM: Um, I've been studying it lately, and I think . . .

VIVIAN: You've been studying Florence's fireballs, Sam. What do you know about it?

SAM: I was going to say I agreed with you.

VIVIAN: . . . oh.

PANEL 4

Brighter light.

SAM: But that much power when you're not used to it is probably not a good thing.

VIVIAN: Oh!

FOOTNOTE

Discussions among the united, or, how to do a comic without any drawing.

STRIP 246 BACKGROUND

PANEL 1

A big BABLOOMM.

THEO: (to JASON) I bet that is something useful.

PANEL 2

THE GRANDMA: (beckoning behind her) If that's Cecilia's idea of a daughterly visit, it sounds like someone needs a time out. Come, you.

PANEL 3

THE GRANDMA: Misses my birthday and blows down my door . . . I ask you, where did I go wrong?

PANEL 4

THEO: (looking around some boxes at BETH, still tied up upside down) Is that you I think it is? It's my birthday come early!

STRIP 247 PANEL 1

KABLOOM over bright light.

PANEL 2

BETH: (upside down) I knew it! She's testing some sort of . . . uh . . . earthquake device?

PANEL 3

THEO: (leaning casually on a pile of boxes) Good day, Your Highness! Not that I would otherwise hesitate an instant . . .

PANEL 4

THEO: But, is there a reward for your rescue?

END